Merry Christmas

I guess it's time I grow up.

1)Just another of those days 2)Digging up the Past?

Finally, another update. I'm eating bread with nutella now. Yummy...

Today (Well yesterday actually..) was like any other of my easier more relaxed days I suppose. Went to Anderson sec in the morning to help out with their Chinese New Year item. It's not perfect yet, but at least there's improvement and it looks better than before. They'll be dancing with a chou-san sort of thing. It's kind of like a fan with long cloth like that of a chou.

Yea, so after that I just wanted to chill. Actually wanted to eh.... meet up or something. Arg, well nvm, Ya so from AMK I met up with some friends and ate LJS and Swensens. Haha, Lao Ma had a coupon at Swensens that we could use to get two sundaes for the price of one :p

Ya so we hanged out and chilled. Haha, opps sorry if sometimes I get all moody and isolated. Watch a 9plus show at Causeway Point, Twilight. It's an okay show I guess. Maybe if I have the time, I'll try to get and read the book. But I think it's like almost sold out everywhere. well, maybe next time then, still got tons of books I want to but haven't got a chance to read yet.

Whoa, this might just turn out to be a longer post than I thought. Okay, 5min break. Gotta go fix myself another slice of bread and nutella... I just realize I haven't eat dinner today >_<"

Okay I'm back. Took more than five minutes though. So anyway, I reached home late just now. Nothing surprising there :p And who would have thought of it, I actually took time to clean and tidy up my room! Haha, my room's been in a dreadful mess for quite a while already. It's really like a pig sty, with stacks of paper lying everywhere, and things thrown around.

When I was trying to organise the papers lying on the table, I came across the cards that I received recently. Most of them are the cards I received on my 18th birthday. For a moment i felt happy reading them. But just a moment. What they did for me was nice =) Really appreciate that.

And there was also the fans. I found the fans that I used to use in secondary school. We performed Zhang He a lot. Haha, there was the green fan which I use for practices. Now it's broken beyond repair. I'll just leave in my room then :p And there was the other fan. This one's similar to the red Kungfu fan that the guys are using to practise now. I didn't know I had this fan with me, it's used during our performances in those days. Haha, I actually Kapok-ed the fan home. The school doesn't use it anymore anyway. This fan really brings back a lot of memories for me, both in and out of dance. It's really cool, the fan even has my name written nicely on it. A very cool fan indeed... =p

I digged up a few photos as well. I printed them recently only, just this year. It's pics of some of us RS HK peeps eating together. It's really sad that we'll never be able to do that again, after all that's happened with them. Screw them man =/ Haha...

And dang, I also dug up a piece of letter that I wrote long ago. Well, it's just last year only but still, I had almost forgot about it. I never gave the letter. It's actually more like a draft, scribbled on foolscap, but I never came about to finishing it properly. Hmmm... I don't want to be that emo kid writing that letter anymore. I'm different now, hopefully, even if it's just different by an inch or two. Maybe I should give that letter, hmmm....

I wish when the time comes, I'll have the courage to pull this one through. I'll think about it. Or I'll sleep over it coz I'm tired now. zzz zzz Haha.

Peace.

Don't give up on me.

Crossroads

It's monday morning now. Well it's actually almost afternoon already. Haha, I woke up late today like, 10 plus. Had 9 hours of good sleep, haven't slept so much in a long time :p

We did the Guan Mo Hui dance showcase yesterday, Good job everyone! Although I heard it was not very well done as there were plenty of mistakes. It happens in performances all the time, we just have to make sure we cover them up and the audience doesn't know it. Haha

Now that this performance is done, I'm not sure what to do anymore. Huay Kuan I mean... This might just be the last show I do with them. And everything's so different now. Everything's changed. I feel like I don't belong there anymore.

Arg, this is starting to be another depressing post again.

It's kind of frustrating that I have no sense of where I wanna go, and what I wanna do. Choices are so difficult to make. I can't make choices because I'm just too afraid of the things that would happen. I don't know what I'll do if I would fall again. I'll never be able to climb back up and continue.

Just so lost and confused right now. "Set goals in life, have dreams". But what is it that I want? Besides chocolates and ice lemon tea? :P Haha...

I'm trying very hard to make a choice....

And yup, I'm gonna try. I know if I don't I'm gonna regret it forever. Now all I need is the confidence and courage to do it. I don't want us to go on like this, things are gonna be different, trust me. Okay, I'm talking to myself again...

The courage to stand on my own. I choose to be the best of me.

1am

Okay, I've been MIA here for so long. Sorry guys =p Haha, but if you're at Lasalle, Hui Kuan, or Cheng Ballet, you'll see that ZuYou is still in action! Yup, been busy and hanging aroung these places most of the time these few weeks.

It's easy to manage these things if you just put your whole head into it and jump right in. But well, recently I just can't seem to do that anymore...

And history just seems to repeat itself again.
...


I Still...

Who are you now?
Are you still the same
Or did you change somehow?
What do you do
At this very moment when I think of you?
And when I'm looking back
How we were young and stupid
Do you remember that?
Baby

No matter how I fight it
Can't deny it
Just can't let you go

I still need you
I still care about you
Though everything's been said and done
I still feel you
Like I'm right beside you
There's still no word from you

Now look at me
Instead of moving on, I refuse to see
That I keep coming back
And I'm stuck in a moment
That wasn't meant to last (to last)

I try to fight it
Can't deny it
You don't even know

That I still need you
I still care about you
Though everything's been said and done
I still feel you
Like I'm right beside you
There's still no word from you

Ohhhh
Wish I could find you
Just like you found me
Ohhhhh (can't live without you)

Though everything's been said and done (yeah)
I still feel you (I still feel you)
Like I'm right beside you (like I'm right beside you)
But still no (still no word) word from you

----
I miss her. I just wish things didn't have to end up this way.

Haha

Hehe, just a random post. I'm in the school library now. Got a class starting soon.

Sorry I haven't been updating. Been quite busy. So much has happened since the last post; my birthday, the Huay Kuan dance production and many more. Haven't got the time to write about it.

It's a tough period for me now. Hope I can cope with everything. Dang, sometimes I just wanna sit down, rest and talk =( Okay, I'm just wasting time posting this now. Haha, gotta go...

Peace.

Put down into words.

There are many things running through my head right now. Too many things. I'm never good at putting things down into words, but I'll try. Man that sounds so familiar, I probably wrote that before in a letter. Haha...

Let's see... Oh yea, I watched Feng Zhong Shao Lin with Mum and Dad at Esplanade last week. One word, DOPE. Haha, won't fill you guys on the details. The word says it all. :p

Choreographers Napoleon and Tabitha are dope. They choreographed a few items for SYTYCD season4. Their style is mostly lyrical hip hop. But I felt that they brought it a step furter. Emo hip hop. Wahaha... watching their choreography, it narrates, hand in hand with the song. It's not just about the tricks and being on beat. But the dancers were on beat of course. And I can see that they incorporate other so called non-hip hop movements, these help to express the chemistry between the two dancers in their duet. They're good... ... wow =p

Okay here's the boring section of this post zzz zzz. Me and my conflicts within. Still doing not so bad. Previously, I was working on being independent. Got better at it =) Yea,*pat my own back... I'm functioning well almost 24/7. Sadly, I still have signs and moments of breaking up when, well... you guys know, I assume. I'm still trying to think of a way to figure this out. Anyway, I still got tons of other flaws. Can't think straight now so I don't know what I should work on next. Gimme a few more days to ponder about it.

Sorry, can't put any more thoughts into words already. That's why I'm not a writer.

Right now, I feel so lost. But staying strong! Haha, go hard!

Crap, I'm not a Leo. I don't feel like a Leo.

Haha, peace y'all.

Not worth Reading... Ha

Don't really have something in mind to blog. Well here are just random stuffs and things that I did today. Well, technically it's yesterday...

Okay, I don't how to explain what I wanna say so nevermind. Here's what I did today(or yesterday :P)...

Today was a not so tiring but tiring day. Today was a not so productive yet productive day. Haha, I'm contradicting what I say :p But that's the best way I can think of to sum it up. Didn't do much in the morning, woke up and play PSP =/ I'm on holiday so it should be alright to play a lil bit right?

Late afternoon I made my way to Studio Wu. It's a long MRT trip zzz zzz... But not to worry, they're moving to a new place somewhere near SMU soon. That would be convenient. So anyway, monday's the most 'aggressive' day for me. Choing 3 classes straight. Haha, super workout. My shirt was heavy and wet by the start of the second class. Won't elaborate about the classes. One word. Dope. Haha... It's fun. I enjoy taking classes there, though it's very tiring sometimes. I realize most of the people there are older than me. Well there are people my age. But the 'old birds' are mostly in their 20s or reaching 20. I don't know all the peeps very well but they are nice people. Well, it's very different being there compared to being at huay kuan. What's different I don't know. Me I guess... And the way people see me is different. Now that's something to remember.

Haha, I realize I'm talking and typing more to myself rather than to you the reader. That's my failing in being unable to express myself and my thoughts. Gotta work on this some time. Dang, this post is just not worth reading. Sorry :p

Well see y'all. Peace.

Cold

Okay I woke up to a really bad start today. I did nothing much yesterday but as soon as I got home, I fell asleep zzz zzz. And I just happen to wake up 6plus in the morning. I laid in bed half awake and slept again soon after. 7plus I woke up again. 8plus I woke up again. Finally 10plus my mum called me up. Haha... I showered and ate breakfast. Had Mian Xian... Yup, mum says it's my dad's chinese birthday today. Hahaha, which means tomorrow's my chinese birthday! =P Really, I'm not kidding... :p

Yea, so after eating I just laid on the sofa listening to SPESHOW. And dang, I slept again. I'm typing all this now just moments after I woke up. :P

Okay, so it was a bad start coz I slept through almost half the day. What really made me feel so bad is the dreams I had(sound so kiddish!). I slept and woke up so many times that I dunno at which point I had which dream. But anyway, some were nice and some were just crap. But the last one really hit me bad. For one thing it was quite real. And it ended up the same as the previous so called "nightmares" that I've been having. I think it was around the time after dance camp then when I kept having those dreams. So why today too? -.-"

Maybe it's beacause I kept thinking that it would happen. Maybe because I really don't want something like that to ever happen. That's why this kind of situations keep playing inside my head when I sleep. Oh man, I'm so depressed. Hahaha... I miss everything so so much

Guess I won't be doing much today. I have problems helping the RS modern dancers. I don't know what to do. I'm not confident, that's why =(

My dog's scratching my leg coz she wants her lunch. Shouldn't have wore shorts; there's scratch marks all over my leg now. Gotta go give her her food before she starts barking like a mad dog... See y'all.

Peace.

Not doing so Good.

Nothing much to say actually... coz nothing interesting happen. Haha...

I'm miserable most of the time I know. Lately I've expressing my misery too freely I suppose, in the form of sitting at one corner and insulting the people around me. Opps... Wrong move. (-_-)"

I once said that everyone has a choice and I choose to be the best of myself. I know myself better now and I really don't wanna be the person I see in the mirror now. It's not easy for me to do this on my own, but I'll try. My fears are drawing up upon me and I can't let them get me down.

Being confident isn't a good thing. Well being over confident isn't. Especially when it gets to your head. I see good people turn bad because of this. Like what people always say, too much of anything isn't good.

I guess anyone reading this boring post would be falling asleep soon. I don't have anything in particular that I wanna say actually. Yea, will update again when something worth writing pops up. Haha...

There's no use crying over spilled milk. But there wouldn't be anything to cry over if the milk was never there isn't it?

Take care...

*Sigh... It's been a while since the previous post. Can't say I've been better much. Well I think I got over most of that empty melancholic feeling, but I still ain't completely okay. Every now and then I still feel... sad. Well, it takes time to get better I guess. When dealing with all the conflicts within oneself, I learnt that everyone has a choice. I choose to be the best of myself =)

Alright, enough of this crazy depressed sh*t, here's some random stuffs... Haha

Been watching some videos on youtube. Dang, these dancers are dope! Rob Hoffman, Adam Servani, Travis Wall are crazy-a*s DOPE! Do look up on them on youtube if you guys have the time. Ummmmm, better not look up on them if you are easily offended, hahaha...

Somehow, I got the job of doing RS modern dance's open house item. Dang, I hope I can pull this off. It's not gonna be easy for me. Ain't cut out to do this kinda thing. I sucked big time when I did FTP's danceworks. Hope I'll do a better job on this. Gotta stay confident! (haha, all the useless self-encouragement :p)

The 3-person dance for August's performance is still in the making. Haha, hope it gets done asap, coz there's like what, just about 2 months left before showtime. I don't wanna screw this up too. Haha, my role in the item is a suffering victim, a D.I.D (damsel in distress), haha kidding. I'm a V.I.P (victim in pain).

Oh yea, watched Hancock today. It's a great movie. Humorous and action-packed at the same time. The storyline isn't pretty good though. A great movie to watch, especially when you're feeling =( with nothing better to do. The character John Hancock, proofed that you can change as long as you are willing to. You can change if you give yourself a chance. Yup, that sure helped a lot, if you know what I mean =p Haha... Peace y'all.

OMG, my dog just ate a lizard, which is so disgusting. She's never gonna lick my face again :P Now I know where all the pimples came from :p

Haha, that's all I could think of for now. Now that I think about it, I wonder who visits this page anyway. Maybe I should start writing more productive stuff instead of all these nonsense.... ... ... ... ... Nah. We'll see...

Hang in there. Please.

Half awake only

Oh I'm sick of torturing myself over all these problems which were never supposed to be there in the first place. It's just senseless. Crying over it is senseless. I'm just beating myself getting troubled over things like this. Now that I think about it, there was really nothing wrong.

The only thing wrong is the way I think things through, the way I see things, the way I perceive things. The only thing wrong right now is ME. Okay, now that we found where the problem lies, I can do something about it. Again. And again. And again.
All this while, all this time, I've been wanting to 改變自己 and once again, I proofed myself a failure. But it isn't all that bad, coz I honestly I feel that I'm becoming a better person. Yup, but just a little, not even an inch :p I understand myself a little better now. I just hope I didn't annoyed her too much this time.

Truth is, I've been expecting too much. That's why all these things that's happening or not happening are bothering me. There really was nothing much there in the first place. I wanted someone to care more about me, to care about what's happening to my life. I wanted to be someone that matter to someone. All this is too much to ask for. Even from friends and family. You can even say it's selfish to expect things like this. Okay, I know I'm a really dependent person (which is not a good thing) and I should try to be more self-reliable. So here's one of the points I can start to change; be more INDEPENDENT.

-"How could you expect yourself to take care of someone if you can't even take care of yourself?"

These words are coming back to haunt me again.

I just hope I haven't blew it completely this time. It just ain't the same without you here. I got rid of some of the emo-ness inside of me. I wanna be at peace with myself.

If I could go back, I wish I could have done things differently.

[ nothi_g to se_ h_re ]

It's funny that I'm always eating when I post something here. But this time it's not bread with peanut butter and strawberry jam. I'm eating milo and biscuits :P Haha, another wonderful combination...

I'm cutting out the 'birds' now. It's harder than it looks. Yea, I'm using a scissors used for cutting hair. Haha, which reminds me of a few lines from the movie You Don't Mess With The Zohan.
"I want to.... ... cut hair."
"Make your hair silky smooth..."
Actually I'm not sure wether I'm cutting them right, but I sure hope I am. Haha, I think there's gonna be a problem with the sewing part :p

I feel so lost right now. I don't know what I'm feeling. I think I'm supposed to be happy, but I'm not. And it's not sadness I'm feeling. Believe me, I know how being upset feels like. I'm just.... I don't know what best describes this... empty.
All these things that I've been doing, the decisions I've made, the choices I made; it's making me vulnerable.
Punch me, it'll hurt. Stab me, I'll bleed. I don't want to be shattered all over again. I don't think I can bring myself back up again if it ever does happens.

Dang, I'm thinking way too much already. Gotta play it cool... ;] Everything's gonna turn out just fine. "Oh yea, real comforting". Haha, the beauty of sarcasm.

Ok, I finished cutting out ten 'birds' already. Will leave out the rest for tomorrow since I'm still not very sure I'm doing it right.

I'm hoping for a great day tomorrow, seriously. Staying positive =) (trying desperately to.)

I wish... Oh nevermind.

Being Random.

Hungry. I'm eating bread with peanut butter and strawberry jam now. That's a delicious combination =p

I don't think I'm fully utilizing my holiday. It's almost two months already but I still don't feel the holiday mood. Maybe it's because there's the performance in August to worry about. Maybe.... Haha...

Been visiting the library quite a few times recently. It's funny seeing the secondary and junior college students studying inside there. Stress is written all over their faces. Even when it was reaching 9pm, many students were still busy mugging away. And there I was taking my own leisure time strolling down the aisle of books looking for something nice to read. I feel so relaxed compared to all those students. Sad... Wahaha...

Been having nightmares since the end of dance camp. Well, sort of... it's not really scary but it just makes me feel bad when I wake up. And there're all about the same thing, though they're all different scenes. Four times already. Dang, am I getting paranoid? Haha, maybe it would help to not think too much before going to sleep.

There's supposed to be a few more random stuffs I wanna write about. But I'm getting lazy. And it's getting late. Will end here for now. No wait, one more thing...

Realized I've been sailing off course lately. I'm not heading towards my destination. Just floating around and going where the wind takes me, with no regards as to whether it takes me closer or farther away from my destination. Is this the right thing to do? Or is it time for me to keep the sails, row out my oars and start peddling?

Hmmm.... Think I'll do both. The wind will take me along with it, and my oars will make sure I don't steer off course too much. Yup. Let's leave it at that for now. Focus, ZuYou. Stay positive. Still I remain nostalgic in this journey across these seas of melancholies.

Haha, what the he*l was all that about? Just a lousy attempt to express how I'm feeling in a more interesting way :p

Peace.

Hungry!

OMG! I'm not even this hardworking when I was doing my schoolwork.

Haha, I just finished editing the F&N coursework. Phew! Didn't realize it would take this long. Haha, it was so funny correcting some of the mistakes she made inside =x =) And I learnt quite a lot of new things. Checked up on a couple of words and terms used in cooking. Guess what? Folding also means adding something gently into a mixture. I never knew that before...

Haha, doing this kinda sparked a little interest in me for cooking. Nah... who am I kidding =p The only decent dish I made so far is fried rice. My momma's my ShiFu. Hmmmm... maybe I should watch more Jamie Oliver shows :p He is one good cook, though I've never tasted his dishes... but the food looked really tasty on TV :p

Fatigue's taking its toll on me. Gotta go ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ.... Wahaha.
Peace y'all.

It's OVA!!! =p

Oh! There's so many things running through my head right now, and there's so many things I want to write about. But I think I'm too lazy tonight. Will try... :p Hehe...

Aha, it's been a long week of intensive practice. Wu Dao Ying is finally over! It felt longer than a week to me. It was one of the best dance camps I had, though not one of the most productive for me :p I kinda slacked off a bit myself. Maybe that explains why I didn't have any muscle aches. Didn't push myself as hard as I usually do.

Believe it or not, the few days spent there were one of the happier days I have this year. No stress over all the usual silly things I worry about. All there is to worry about is dance well for the production in August. I hope all of us will be in shape, well and ready before the month of August. Jiayou SHHK dancers!

I learnt quite a lot from the camp. I learnt more about myself. There are things within my control, and things beyond my control. I have to get this point right and be more responsible for my own actions. I lost it quite a few times, gotta be smarter next time. Hmmm... leading the simple life I imagined isn't as easy as I thought it would be. Time and time again I have to remind myself not to be blinded by selfish decisions and stray away from the goals I've set. Well it's a relief to know that no one's perfect, but I'm working on it. I guess that's what make us human. That's what define us as humans and not machines. Machines are engineered for perfection, but humans never were. Perfection, is a process, like a never-ending journey. How the journey unfolds depends entirely on us. We write our own stories.

Oh ya, quite a few people's birthdays fall on the days during Wu Dao Ying. Including hers too =D Yea, I gave her her present! Haha, I thought I would be brave enough, but I ended up not having the courage to. Took multiple encouragement from everyone, including her, before I managed to. >.< it was so embarassing. (*gotta be a man, zuyou! Haha, just a thought to myself.) What I did wasn't one of the most excellent craftsmanship of the century, but I hope she likes it. A lot of love and sweat was put into making it, Wahaha! Well, what's done is done. No regrets there. =p

Of course, there were many other interesting things that happened during Wu Dao Ying, but that's all I'll write here for now. Maybe I'll post more stuff tonight after a quick night snack =P

Cheers!

Tuesday!

Haha, yesterday(Tuesday) went by really quickly for me. It was a great day, not much stress =p Went to eat at a jap restaurant, Hanabi. The best thing about it is it's free. All the peeps who taught in BICEP were invited. JZ, JF, YX and I met up and went together. The *ahem couple didn't go =x. It was a buffet! But the problem I had was I don't know any of the food. I ordered mostly simple ones like salmon chicken etc. Haha... no cows for me :p Anyway, I wanted to take pictures but was too busy eating all the food. It was a nice place...

I haven't exactly planned out what I wanted to do that day. Just have a list of things that I need to get done. I have so much work to do! Haha, but I ended up following them to Miss Jia Zhen's shop, Myth. Next time I'll open another shop beside it, call it Legend =p. So we just spent the afternoon inside the shop, just chilling out... zzz zzz Haha

I need to work on a choreo to teach the primary school kids on Wednesday. So I went to SHHK to brainstorm. But I fell asleep as soon as I got that. Was lying on the floor inside the studio. I only woke up when Laoshi came and saw me sleeping on the floor. She was going to choreo the solo for Miss Jenny. So I quickly thought of some last minutes step and left asap. Yea, I'm gonna use the song 'Getcha Head In The Game' from High School Musical to teach the kids.

So anyway, I went to TPY popular, bought a few stuffs and went to YingJie's house. It was almost 10 by then. I need to burn the songs for the class. I really need to get my own CD writer :P While I was there, we discussed a few things about building my 'ironman' suit. Yea, it's a secret =p

I reach home late that day. Was gonna start working on it... but dang, I fell asleep as soon as I finished supper (U.u)zzz zzz
What a day....

Feeling happy or just acting happy?

Yea, so about the last post. Well it really is easier said than done. But I'm working on it :P Haha... just staying positive. Today was a good enough day I suppose, though it isn't really a productive one. Was helping Miss Jenny with RS modern dance in the morning. That sec1 Shaun is so annoying! But he's funny in a lame way I'll give him that. He just sec1 only and he's already acting like that. I was super shy when I first join dance lo. Wow, imagine what kind of person he'll be with a few more years down the road . I don't wanna know =p

So anyway, was planning to go for class after that. But really couldn't bring myself to go. Too lazy... wahaha. Ended up having lunch with Engkiat instead. Then we go Mr Chong's house! Went there to help out and stuff. I got to paint some of the walls! Never got tired of painting walls, it's fun but I don't really know why :P We got free chicken rice after that too. Since there's know furniture and it's so hot inside, we ended up just sitting outside the house eating. Not a glamorous sight really.

And that's day one of a simple life =p Oh man, I really gotta work on my writing. Still sound like a kid. Haha... I'm still working on that little something that I want to do. Well technically I'm just planning now. Gotta put into action soon, no time already!!! =p

Peace y'all.

Cheers!

It's time to stop crying. Haha, it was late when we reached woodlands just now after practice at SHHK. YingJie and I went for 'supper' at Burger King. They were closing at 12am and we went in at 11.55! Haha, they must be kinda pissed off see customers walking in when they all preparing to close. So anyway, we chatted quite a bit. About life in the future and stuff. Thanks dude! Dang, I really gotta grow up. It isn't easy in the world out there. It's a dog eat dog world out there(what a stupid expression).

It doesn't really help much if I keep thinking about those things in the past and get sad over it. What does matter is that we look towards the future and hope for the best. I can't correct the mistakes I made before, but I can avoid them in the future.

Life isn't that bad if you look at it in another way. Okay, time to 改變自己 again. I live simple :p Just wanna be happy and do what I can to make the people I care for happy. And that includes you! Haha... It's tiring to draw circles you know.

I wish...

Does it even mean anything?

It's happening again. I just want to hide in some dark corner and cry.

Monday morning...

Haha, just a posting some nonsense here. Today's finally a half day for me! Been rehearsing til late at night for the past week. The thesis show's on wednesday, hope everything goes smoothly for me. Hmmmm, should practise more. Haha...

Oh yea, today's a half day, but I gotta go HK for practice in the evening, gotta get that timing right! -_-" There goes my free time again. Well there's always tomorrow =p

Peace.

Beowulf!

Yeah!!! The first show of Beowulf Jam went quite successfully. I was very worried coz I jump straight into another dancer during the rehearsal. And I slipped on the left wing curtain when I was exiting. Haha... But it was pretty alright for me during the show yesterday. A big thank you to all supporters =p She couldn't make it for the show ytd. I was really disappointed =( It would have been great if she came. Don't know what's goin through my head. I started to cry when everything's starting. Haha, and it was the make-up holding back the tears. Would ruin the whole eye-liner if I start sobbing. Gotta stop acting like a crybaby.

One more show to go tonight... =] Wish me luck!!! Wahaha...

Peace y'all.

Ouch!!!

My thumb really hurts. =( The nail's gone all black. And they say the nail will eventually fall off. Dang, that's gonna be an ugly sight. Haha...

Peace.

Monday Night.

Time is flying. Days are going by. Hours and minutes are ticking. I feel that I am still stuck at where I am. Moving on was never easy.

Finally, "He Wu Gong Ming"'s over. Opera's over. Oh yea, now there's time for other stuff :) Realized I got a lot of dance to remember in school. Mind block! There's Loretta's piece, Albert's piece, Yarra's piece, Jenny's piece. Not to forget the dance for Beowulf Jam. It's a production put up by all the foundation students, and we are way behind schedule! Only got around four weeks left to rehearse.

Haha, wish me luck! =D

I think of you all the time. =( I guess I really miss you. But it's not really you that I'm missing. I miss the times when there was you,

and me.

Be happy.

I wanna live a better life. A happier life. My mother says I'm not allowing myself to. Guess she's right. I'm the one grieving over something long gone. I'm trying to find it back and fail everytime. Keep falling and falling. Useless and pointless.

I want to smile and laugh about it but I just can't.

我愿意改变 (what can I do?)
重新再来一遍(just give me change)
我无法只是普通朋友
感情已那么深
叫我怎么能收手
但你说
I only want to be your friend
做个朋友
我在
你心中只是just a friend
不是情人
我感激你对我这样的坦白
但我给你的爱暂时收不回来
So I
我不能只是be your friend
I just can't be your friend
no,no,no,
我不能只是做你的朋友
不能只是做普通朋友

Emo sia :P

Sh*t. I'm so... Why is it I have no confidence? I wanna be confident, I wanna be a independent person who people can count on. It takes a lot of will to change.

I guess what I always wanted is someone who can encourage me. Give me the confidence I so often lack. I always wanted someone who cares about what I do, enjoys what I do. I always wanted someone who doesn't mind keeping me company. I always wanted someone who could make me happy and I in turn can give happiness too.

That is really too much to ask for. I guess all I wanted is love. Stupid kid.

Why

Crystals forming in the eye. They've been coming for the past few days. I can't control myself anymore. I don't what it is I'm looking for, what it is I want.

I feel so alone. I feel, sad.

One day down... millions more to go

I guess it's one of those days where I could think and function logically. Went to school, had class... lunch... class, fell asleep halfway through performance history... had rehearsal.... off to studio wu for class.... go home.

Haha, and I've finished my journal assignment due tml. =p Finally have some "free" time. But still go lotsa things to do =[ Always get caught up in all sorts of crap.

Hmmm, I think I'm trying to make peace with myself. There are important things to be done. No use crying over my sorrows... =(

I wonder what she's doing now...

Don tink too much lahz

I know it's just a thing of the mind. But I just can't help it. Seems like misery has become my new best friend. -_-"

VDay

Happy Valentine's Day =) What a boring stupid day...

What a year.

I read through my posts here in 2007. I realized I don't talk much about the two of us. It's mostly about my silly problems with dance, especially the dec showcase. I guess the reason why I didn't write much about that is I hope someday,you'll come across this page, and understand more abt me. You never did of course. Haha...

It ended somewhere in July. I guess I was taking it quite well for a while. Then in August, that's when I started cracking up. Every now and then there were melancholic entries by a very depressed, heart-broken man. (Well, most of the time actually, I realized :p)

Hate it when I grieve over the past. Nothing's gonna come out of it. "Move on dude."

I miss you. I really do.

Not again.

Just wanna say the same thing which I've posted here before...
I can't remember the last time I was truly happy.

I don't know what I want.

From 07 to 08

Yay, been better these few weeks. Life's a lot easier to go through this way.It's chinese new year chu yi today. For some reason I woke up 5 plus in the morning. Watched Sweeny Todd with EK and RL ytd. Very nice show. You can never get tired of musicals :P Haha, but I think live musical theatre performances are much better. You can really 'feel' the performers.

Not visiting much relatives this year again. That makes 2 years in row. Oh well... Who enjoys going bai nian anyway. Except for the money maybe.

I'm haunted by year 2007. It's been a year. It's like I'm 're-living' everything. Everyday I look at the date and recall what I did last year on this day. All the crap I put myself through, all the regrets, all the pointless sorrow... the happy thoughts... the happy moments... the beautiful moments. Gone. Everything lost.

No point grieving over the past. Got loads more to deal with now. Wait for me please. Nobody's perfect. (I'm nobody. Nah, just playin :p) One has to learn to care for oneself before learning to care for others.

寂寞男孩的悲哀, 说出来，谁明白
Haha, a line from a familiar song =p

Stupid

I hate myself for getting f*cked up over these foolish things.