What you put me through, I guess you may never know. Leaving me bare with nothing more to give.

You're obviously not being honest but well, what can I do... 没关系吧。我不告诉自己要冷血一点，我會伤心死。I'll be patient and wait here, clueless. You may not know it, but sorry, I'm being hurt too

Has she ever spared a thought for me... I guess not.

It just doesn't seem right, waking up with this empty feeling. Like no matter what I do, it does not mean much. Whyyyyyyyyy...I don't know how to describe it; empty, hollow and, heavy. Maybe this is the place where there used to be something, or someone. Someone who is gone. Every time when I need you most, you bail out on me. From my side, that's how it feels.

改變自己，尋找自己.

If you don't like yourself, who would?

怎麼了？怎麼了？怎麼了？怎麼了？怎麼了？怎麼了？

就這樣 . 也沒怎樣

Slowly, in my own stupid way of pulling through and holding myself together, I try to feel more detached and indifferent to what this has come to. But I still have the same feelings for her, that I cannot just simply close and shut away. A rough road doesn't mean it's the end of the road.

Let's not forget the good days.

There is no "I"

What about... ... me?

我真的什麼都不是嗎

Mind the Gap。Never Forget。緣

The more time passes, the more I remember 

The air was fresh, and the song so sweet 

I saw a shorter version of this on the screen at the 捷運station while waiting for the train. This is a commercial for Kingston USB products, but this full version is such a beautifully done short film.

心下著雨。



提到感情的事，我媽媽常說到緣份這個字。兩人再一起相處最終真的是靠緣份嗎？她教我這兩個字，這簡單的道理我還是很難相信與理解。 難道，我和我一路來心愛的那個女生真的不夠緣分嗎？我不知道是不是緣分不夠，還是也許緣分來了幾次，但我沒有好好的保握。但我知道，這個緣分，我非常珍惜。我只希望，你不會放棄我。我也沒辦法，沒資格，也不應該強迫任何人。再難過，我也不想就這樣無意間放棄一個未完成的感情。

台

It's nice to live on the top floor on the hilltop overlooking the city. The nights alone on the rooftop, taking in the city lights, the distant stars. It's peaceful at night, tranquil (and very cold!). I want to feel that inside myself, stop all that vexed feelings running in circles.

I feel so hurt, at this low point. Enjoying the quiet nights eases the burdens. Words and feelings are as empty as they can get. But no matter what... 我不想哭。Not on these beautiful nights. No. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no.

Think think think!

現實，幸福，害怕，未來，感情，夢想，悲傷，生活，勇氣，快樂

The choices that matter are always one of the toughest decisions to make.

Missing You 'Geuriwohaeyo'

2NE1新歌！她們又要辦演唱會了，台灣新加波都有去！還記得上一次和當兵朋友去看，站在搖滾區High爆了! 只是站在我前面的姐姐很高，又揮揮著紙牌，一直當到我，哈哈。

Upside Down

Self-less and Self-worth

"Re-orienting yourself based on the beliefs and standards of others rather than your emotional needs is always a one-way ticket to low self-esteem. What you’re telling your sub-conscious is that your ideas, values and beliefs are not as important as those of people around you, and so you sacrifice your identity and values in order to cash in on the validation from others. This is a losing strategy, as the satisfaction of external validation is temporary. Once it runs out, you always need more."

If this is correct, then maybe I am doing it all wrong...

你在煩惱什麼

沒有不會淡的疤 沒有不會好的傷 沒有不會停下來的絕望 你在憂鬱什麼啊

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

世界是很大很美的，我不能困在自己小小的煩惱裡。愛自己，才能愛別人。不曉得她最近還好不好嗎？

Harboring Thoughts

"我" 把我灌醉
"我" 讓我流淚
"我" 把我灌醉
"我" 讓我心碎
"爱" 收不回...

Compelling Things Our 20s Are For Figuring Out

15 Compelling Things Our 20s Are For Figuring Out

Written by BRIANNA WIEST, Oct 18 2013

I think our 20s serve as both an unexpected healing ground and a great precipice for the delightfully unknown. You can spend a lifetime figuring these things out, and you should, but there is a very unique kind of medley of happenstance that happens when one finally reaches the point of feeling as though they are both free and bound, dictated and choosing, mourning and loving, honest and perpetually feigning their truth. These are the things we come out with on the other side of that.

1. Letting go of little things is important, but learning to let the big, unchanging truths sit next to us comfortably is even more so. We can spend all our time letting go of the pants and friendships that don’t fit anymore and our first lost love whose ache is continually dulling anyway and giving permission to anybody to dictate who we are, but none of it will ease the burden of what we’re really trying to get to. The little things can go, the big things need to be painted in the picture with us no matter how cracked and sad they may seem.

2. You never look bigger, better, stronger or wiser when you incessantly need to be right. You look like a big person when you admit that you’re wrong even in the most humiliatingly trying of circumstances. You look big and true and honest when you apologize. When you say goodbye to someone you honestly know you won’t see again and when you tell someone you love them even if their response may indeed feel like it’s going to kill you. That’s the real work of it all. Those are the heroes of our generation. Those who know what it means to be radically honest, because accepting that in ourselves opens every door to accept it in others.

3. You cannot save anybody but yourself.

4. Loving someone is not what people struggle to let go of. It’s the expectation that they have for what loving someone should mean.

5. The fact that largely, we do what we want to do at the end of the day. Few things stand in the way of sheer will power. It will all come back down to whether or not we really, truly, would-go-to-the-grave-recklessly-pursuing-this want something, because when it’s enough, nothing will be acceptable barter.

6. You can’t build something for the long term that you can’t stand in the short term.

7. People will tell you that because you choose differently than them– to be out about your sexuality, to be a writer, artist, piano player in a local dive bar, whatever it is– that they are only hesitant and concerned because you will have a “hard life.” The truth is that a hard life is not being true to yourself. People will use that feigned concern for your well-being as a way to avoid having to completely support you and love you even though you have chosen differently than them.

8. Life demands shit. Life has to kick the mother loving crap out of you before you’re removed enough from the mask of society to really start to live freely and happily. Life demands you give up your shit to get there. Give it when it calls.

9. We are always asking the same question, and it’s whether or not it’s okay to be who we are. The people who we bond in friendship with, the people we fall in love with, the people we find ourselves relentlessly attached to are the people who answer that question with a “hell yeah.”

10. You’ll always feel as though you’re too much of something and not enough of another. Stop measuring yourself with other people’s rulers. Consider how maybe they’re too much and not enough compared to you.

11. We have to dismiss logic more often than not and pay attention to the things that call us despite our hesitations. We have to pay more attention to when our hearts are irrationally pounding and all evidence points to the fact that this may be an incredibly rash and dumb decision because that is just the moment in which you have to make it anyway.

12. There are parts of you that you need to keep sacred and loved. Parts that need to be acknowledged and worshipped, and they’re often the parts that need the most healing. Stop burying them because you’re ashamed, and let them out in the light to be loved like they so desperately need.

13. There are a few things you can never let go of: the fact that the savage inside of you need not be repressed further, but nurtured and expressed healthfully, that nothing is permanent, especially you, that discomfort is a huge and unchanging part of life, that this is all just a ride and that love, truth, honesty and kindness are what’s most important.

14. Nothing is coming to save you. Let yourself sit with that for a second. It will feel like rock bottom. Stay there for as long as you damn well need to. Lay down at rock bottom and look up at everything that you fell from. When you’re ready to stand, you’ll climb your way out by your own volition, and there will be no other hands to let go of yours, and that’s what’s most important. Nothing is coming to save you. We eventually have to let go of the idea that there is.

15. When you unravel yourself far enough, you’ll realize that we all come down to the same thing. To evolve means to unroll. Difficult times don’t change us, they revert us farther back into our true selves. We can choose to embrace that with ease, or life will do it for us, and until we finally wave that white flag of acceptance, it will be a hell of an internal battle. It’s the first rule of anything and everything that matters– you have to learn to be okay with whatever comes and whatever goes, whatever is given and whatever is taken, and to realize that none of it, in any way, will ever determine you who you are. _________________________________________________________ I haven't fully understood everything written here yet. Some unsettling truths, and many points made sense.

任時光匆匆流去

我只在乎你
心甘情願 感染你的氣息
人生幾何能夠得到知己

Logged.

I'm writing again. Not as much as I used to. But is is helpful. It's almost like a Penisieve, taking the running thoughts out before they run wild in the head. A strain or two laid out in front of me, helps keep my mind straight, keeps me at ease with myself. Insecurities are sometimes overwhelming and consuming. Lesson of the day: Commitment with Dedication; with Detachment included.

Hey There

Splitted ends

We may be standing on different grounds, but look up, we share the same skies. The ground I am standing on is firm, but the sky... the sky is falling apart.

Thorns and splinters from spiltted ends. They cut you without meaning to. Can't really say I did or didn't see this coming. Doesn't matter, I'll make sure we pull through, together.

Far away

Do you believe in second chances? What if life took a wrong turn and never got back. Or what if everything was meant to go wrong and crooked, and somehow you carve and find your way back.

I'm coming home soon. I want to see her soon. It's worth much more than everything else.

票面无情

I seem like myself, it doesn't seem like myself. What kind of a person am I? What is the train of thought on my mind inside, and what is shown through my body outside? It's troubling to have questions unanswered. So many uncertainties. Uncertainty... uncertainty. Is that what drives people? Always working to the answer but never finding it.

不要把自己的幸福建柱在别人的痛苦中。

不能让别人的幸福建柱你的痛苦。

Just throwing some sayings around.

I don't like to put up with and put on all these facades. It's awkward and unnatural. I want my life back.

我要喝Teh!

最近晚上总是睡不着。一个人脑空白安静了时候，就开始想东想西。我明明是已关灯，埋在被窝里准备入睡眠中，全又没办法睡。以前当兵时就好，做保安的，我们早晚都一定会有人做工。睡不了时我常会找个brother聊聊天哈哈。现在在家里就只有我一个了。

大学我录取了！只需去办一些报名的手续就可以了吧。海外学生会麻烦一些 -_-" 当时想了一些就决定说走就走。听起来很简单。现在还一点年轻就赶快走吧。以后就没这机会了。人生活的只有那么一次，想做的就全心全意做。很期待，紧张也有一点儿害怕。正常的啦哈哈。

不是说我后悔，只是心里有放不下的心情。顺利的话，一去就要读个四年才毕业。熟悉的地方，熟悉的东西，偶尔会想念。 但人与人之间的感情，那就难放下了。家人，朋友，舞团，还有我心里最珍惜的女孩。走了，时间久了，身边的人也慢慢变了。将来会是这么样谁也不知道。我们都只能幻想，猜猜。但我相信，一定会是更好的！Oh yea! :) 常常听到这句 ＂人失去了，才懂得珍惜＂ 这几年来我体验过，可我还是在学着无后悔的珍惜。Gotta learn to enjoy life. Every breath every moment. I'm always looking forward to a destination and fail to look at the value of the journey. Often it is the tiniest bits of the slightest which entails us and make us who we are. Many small subtle moments in a day, a month, a year that adds up to life. "Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live."

Heads up high, helmets on, going in for a ride! (My Chinese couldn't keep up with my thoughts, hence the abrupt change of language -.-" I'm ashamed haha)

脑？？的

昨天上了一个来自台湾的现代舞课。还挺好玩的。虽然我是喜欢华族舞， 但我真希望能到台北去学一学，到一个不同的环境体验一些新的东西。

拥有是失去的开始。我想其实这句话和我无关。我没拥有，所以也没有什么失去。只是老实说，心里会觉得有一个很大的空区，没办法填满。有时深夜里想太多会伤心一点。别想太多吧，开心一点吧。

下一站

时间开始模糊了，我什么也没想太多。也许这是我选择脱离世界的一个办法吧。人活来就一定是要竞争的吗？看谁是最完美的，最成功的？

原本在这里是花了时间写了一大段，也想了许多。但是一不小心把全给delete了。真是气死我了！我看我不从打 -_-"

总之我不想给一个现实冷淡的世界弄得不开心。我身活的原则，我的个性，没有必要证明给谁看。我有着这样的想法，可能是因为我累了，也感到很失落。 我是好人，相信我。下一站，会是怎样我也不知道。

想到我之前刚写完的整个blog 不小心给delete 了，真的是笨死了！