Half awake only

Oh I'm sick of torturing myself over all these problems which were never supposed to be there in the first place. It's just senseless. Crying over it is senseless. I'm just beating myself getting troubled over things like this. Now that I think about it, there was really nothing wrong.

The only thing wrong is the way I think things through, the way I see things, the way I perceive things. The only thing wrong right now is ME. Okay, now that we found where the problem lies, I can do something about it. Again. And again. And again.
All this while, all this time, I've been wanting to 改變自己 and once again, I proofed myself a failure. But it isn't all that bad, coz I honestly I feel that I'm becoming a better person. Yup, but just a little, not even an inch :p I understand myself a little better now. I just hope I didn't annoyed her too much this time.

Truth is, I've been expecting too much. That's why all these things that's happening or not happening are bothering me. There really was nothing much there in the first place. I wanted someone to care more about me, to care about what's happening to my life. I wanted to be someone that matter to someone. All this is too much to ask for. Even from friends and family. You can even say it's selfish to expect things like this. Okay, I know I'm a really dependent person (which is not a good thing) and I should try to be more self-reliable. So here's one of the points I can start to change; be more INDEPENDENT.

-"How could you expect yourself to take care of someone if you can't even take care of yourself?"

These words are coming back to haunt me again.

I just hope I haven't blew it completely this time. It just ain't the same without you here. I got rid of some of the emo-ness inside of me. I wanna be at peace with myself.

If I could go back, I wish I could have done things differently.