The Last Holiday

Oh no, LASALLE term is starting next week. Three months of holiday went by just like this...

Am I ready for school?

Today's the last day I can spend mornings and afternoons at home. Things are gonna be pretty tight when school starts. Busy busy busy. Go hard or go home.

Wish me luck!

See I did spend some time having fun during the holidays :P
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I wanna watch G.I Joe and Up. =p

Do it right this time

I'm so messed up right now. Confused...

There are some things that I need to deal with myself. I dunno what I'm doing is right or wrong. But then again, there isn't a right or wrong. These things just come and they go and then they come again, from here and there.

It's just a feeling...

I may not be perfect, but I am still someone =(

Keep on Movin Ahead...

Just reached home not long ago. Went to watch Harry Potter 6 with Laoshi and some of the huay kuan girls. I didn't find the movie really interesting; maybe coz I read the book. Movie adaptions often disappoint the readers I find. Haha... but it's still a recommended movie I guess. Must be a high budget film, with all the elaborate sets and effects. Not to mention how many extras they cast as Hogwarts students :p Money money money... so much money :p

I've been thinking about what I want to do in the future, and I've been asked by many people too. Truth is, I don't have an answer... for them and for myself. What I want and what I'm able to do is two very different matters. Well, I can't guarantee I can reach where I wanna be with this path that I'm going down (no choice lah!)... But I suppose like always, we all have to make the best of what we have.

Chinese dance, Contemporary dance, Ballet, Jazz, Hip Hop... It's all dance. It doesn't matter what I end up doing most, as long as I like it and have no regrets. But reality's reality. There are limitations. And yea, I still got NS to complete. Thanks S'pore for taking that two years out of my life. Well a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do... Hahaha.

Ok, bottom line is, I'm just a sailor on a wooden boat with sails and two oars. I'm just gonna go where the wind takes me. And hope I can use the oars to keep me on track as much as possible. Okay, I realized I used this expression in one of the older posts before. I'm running out of ideas... Suggestions anyone? :p

Watching Ballet Under The Stars tomorrow. My first time! Haha, better not rain.

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I woke up today with this feeling
That better things are coming my way (way)
And if the sunshine has a meaning
Telling me not to let things get in my way

When the rainy days are dying
Gotta keep on, keep on trying
All the bees and birds are flying (ahh ahh ahh)
Never let go, gotta hold on in
Non-stop til the break of dawnin
Keep on movin dont stop rockin (ahh ahh ahh)

Get on up when youre down
Baby, take a good look around
I know its not much, but its okay
Keep on moving anyway

Feels like I should be screaming
Trying to get it through to my friends
Sometimes it feels that life has no meaning
But I know things will be alright in the end

When the rainy days are dying
Gotta keep on, keep on trying
All the bees and birds are flying (ahh ahh ahh)
Never let go, gotta hold on in
Non-stop til the break of dawnin
Keep on movin dont stop rockin (ahh ahh ahh)

Get on up when youre down
Baby, take a good look around
I know its not much, but its okay
Keep on moving anyway

When the rainy days are dying
Gotta keep on, keep on trying
All the bees and birds are flying (ahh ahh ahh)
Never let go, gotta hold on in
Non-stop til the break of dawnin
Keep on movin dont stop rockin (ahh ahh ahh)

Get on up when youre down
Baby, take a good look around
I know its not much, but its okay
Keep on moving anyway

Get on up when youre down
Baby, take a good look around
I know its not much, but its okay
Keep on moving anyway

When the rainy days are dying
Gotta keep on, keep on trying
All the bees and birds are flying (ahh ahh ahh)
Never let go, gotta hold on in
Non-stop til the break of dawnin
Keep on movin dont stop rockin (ahh ahh ahh)

Get on up when youre down
Baby, take a good look around
I know its not much, but its okay
Keep on moving anyway

Get on up when youre down
Baby, take a good look around
I know its not much, but its okay
Keep on moving anyway...

Half way through...

I know what's wrong with me...

Ever since I went through all that "emotional breakdowns", I think I sort of closed myself up. I dug my own hole and hid what's left of me inside. I told myself to do what I have to do... and I'm gonna do it... alone.

No regrets. No troubles. No distractions.

I guess in a way, the way I chose to try opening up did me no good. I realize, I still do care about everyone; my friends. I get distracted, I get troubled, I get irritated, I get confused, I get stressed, I get scared. I thought I could do everything myself, on my own. But now I feel like I need them more than they need me. I should be the one there for them, not the other way round.

I'm getting a mental barrier inside my head. I can't dance properly. I can't improve. I've lost my confidence and self-respect.

Dang, I really need to get a hold of myself soon. Sometimes enough is enough. I'm never ever gonna bring myself on that emotional roller coaster again.

This is turning out to be just a meaningless post about a boy complainging about his pathetic self =( This will be the end of it. Tomorrow will be a better day.

I am so dispensable.

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Is anybody listening?
Can they hear me when I call?
I`m shooting signals in the air
`Cause I need somebody`s help
I can`t make it on my own
So I`m giving up myself
Is anybody listening...listening?

I`ve been stranded here and I`m miles away
Making signals hoping they`d save me
I lock myself inside these walls
`Cause out there I`m always wrong
I don`t think I`m gonna make it
So while I`m sitting here on the eve of my defeat
I write this letter and hope it saves me

Is anybody listening?
Can they hear me when I call?
I`m shooting signals in the air
`Cause I need somebody`s help
I can`t make it on my own
So I`m giving up myself
Is anybody listening...listening?

I`m stuck in my own head and I`m oceans away
Would anybody notice if I chose to stay?
I`ll send an S.O.S. tonight
And wonder if I will survive
How in the hell did I get so far away this time?
So now I`m sitting here
And the time of my departure`s near
I say a prayer please, someone save me

Is anybody listening?
Can they hear me when I call?
I`m shooting signals in the air
`Cause I need somebody`s help
I can`t make it on my own
So I`m giving up myself
Is anybody listening...listening?


I`m lost here
I can`t make it on my own
I don`t wanna die alone
I`m so scared
Drowning now
Reaching out
Holding onto everything I love
Dying now
Crying out
Need some help

Is anybody listening?
Can they hear me when I call?
Shooting signals in the air
I need somebody`s help
I can`t make it on my own
I`m giving up myself
Is anybody listening?

This is the accoustic version of the song. Gives a more melancholic tone to it compared to the original rock version.
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I need help. At the same time I don't want help. Contradicting.

Empty.

I don't know...

I used to have this feeling before. Just feeling empty.

Just wish all this would come to pass soon. I hate feeling this way. Tomorrow will be a better day. Will be quite a tiring day I suppose.

Sigh... I'm troubled by nothing and yet I'm still troubled.
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Oh I'm so short -_-"

Before after

I'm a very inactive blogger.. =p

Recently we just finished the opera performance. Wow, it's been a long time since I've been involved. Being a calefare is really tough in a way. It's really uncomfortable to stand still holding a spear for like what, 15 to 20 minutes? I don't get how the leads can concentrate on their singing and acting with the tight head accesories binded to their heads. I can't even stand patiently with it tied to my head. Anyway, I really need to pick up a dialect, hokkien or teochew, if not I'll never ever be able to appreciate the chinese operas we're doing. The last day was a pretty long day. We moved all the sets, props and costumes back to LYS. No lorry ride this time though, it was packed to the top. At LYS, we kept almost everything back in its place. That's quite an achievement :p Haha, but we finished everything at 1am plus -.-zzz

Opera performance is over. Cheng's term break is over and the Chengs are back from quaratine. My life's back to normal again. I don't think I'm mentally and physically prepared for it yet. And school's starting soon too. I gotta get my engine running again man. Ain't taking a day off. Hahaha, but maybe I'll take half a day off for now. I need some quality time to socialise with the new PS3 at home :p My brother's buddies with it already.

Okay, that piece of machine is bad for me. Should stop playing it before I get hooked.

Looking back, I see that my life has changed a lot. The things I do everyday, the way I spend the day, the people I spend it with. Everything. Everything that once was, it all seems so long ago. I'm not saying I don't like this new change. It's just well, I feel that I am caught somewhere in between. Different environment, different lifestyle, different things, different people, different friends.

The people I meet from different places, there's a different side of Zu You they see. They all see me differently. But I'm still... me. Self image is really important. I really should be mindful of the way I bring myself. Haha... if not I'll always end up being that xiao Zu You. And you all condemn me.

Everyday I try to get myself back up, and climb out of this hole. Maybe, and probably, a few years down the road, things are gonna be drastically different.

I hope to see what I hope to see. The man in the mirror.

For now, I just gotta keep at it man! My unglamorous body is just so uncooperative. Gotta get that leg up. Gotta bend that back. Gotta jump higher. Gotta turn straight. Gotta soften. GOTTA RECOVER! =)

It's been a long time, or has it only been a while? Silly boy, it depends on how you measure long.