Soon

Got about 15minutes left before I leave home for camp. I still got 7 months left. Okay, it's 7months 1day to be exact. It may sound fast, but I tell ya, counting it day by day is a different story. 7months is LONG. I can't wait for all these to be over. Then again, I'm scared. I don't know what I want to do next. I can't possibly go back and study straight. I've lost the drive somewhere along my NS life. Take a break and chill yea. What I learnt from what I observe from the other guys is you gotta have fun.

Can't wait for a holiday and to start a more exciting(but maybe not very productive) life. But hell... that's life. It goes on no matter what.

I need more money. I need a higher salary!

"You can count on me like 1 2 3, I'll be there..." Count on Me by Bruno Mars. It's on playing beside me now =) Can I count on you like 4 3 2?

In words

Heard the song "This I Promise You" on the radio today. It's an old song, from primary/secondary school days. I really like this song. There are countless love songs written by composers but I think this one is really sweet.

When I was younger, I guess I didn't think much of these songs or in general, overated romantic bullshits. Having felt what it's like to fall in love, you realize how a feeling for a special someone inspires one to sing a song, write a poem, paint a painting, make a sculpture... expressing love.

I still think about her, just saying.

She is like no other

There has been many times I felt like blogging here because I am upset, but thought better of it. So much negative thoughts. Negativity is like poison, don't get it out and very soon, it just eats you from the inside out. But I don't want to write about how sad I am. I don't think it even helps by talking it out here. Seems like I am having a conversation with myself here.

Those comforting lies are not working anymore. No more self derived illusioned constructed reason excuse explanation. I don't know what else to tell myself.

It is no surprise that what she does affects me. It is my problem, and I don't want her or anyone else to see it. There is something within me that I need to figure out on my own. There's a puzzle inside, a old dusty book, a creaking door hinge, a complicated knot that I need to untie. This knot... I cannot explain what it is; feelings, emotions, words, gestures; everything and anything that makes us human. All bottled up inside that I need to let loose.

And be myself. I don't want to be judged. Especially by myself. Maybe I need to find the freedom to love her again. At this point. I don't know what I am saying. I don't know what to make of this.

The easy way out of this mess would be I cannot even be her friend anymore. But all I know is, I would never want that. As trying as it is, I still want to be friends. I missed out on many chances, I don't want to lose this, this something precious this. I miss her you know.

A beautiful mess.

Plain. Simple. Honest.

很长的一天

这是开始，结束，或途中；我已分不清楚了。
不要害怕，加油。

Sometimes I just wish that it wasn't true. I just wish it didn't happen, that it wasn't real. I cannot keep lying to myself. What if one day I finally accepted everything into my head, then what? I'm not sure how long I can keep this up. Even sleep won't let me rest from reality. I have nightmares; what happens in truth, what I keep thinking about, they all occur in the dreams. Or at times it's those dreams that are "too good to be true", then I wake up and the truth strikes back into my mind and heart. It's all blurry now, what is real and what is not. I cannot even trust what I am feeling now, because unknowingly, I just might be lying to myself. It gets easier. Without this illusion, I really don't know how I am going to get by.

I stay true to the feelings in my heart and to who I care about. Call me naive, but I see a meaningless life if one does the opposite. There is a lot of ugliness in this world, more than enough to go about. And if you stray from the things that define what and who you are, you might just turn into one of them. Never let that happen. Never compromise. Never lose faith. Never say that it is meaningless.

I remember seeing this back then. And yes it's true, and still is. This is how I felt too.

Just click play

Just wanted to share this with friends who happen to pass by here. Was feeling kinda sad so I went browsing on youtube. Came across this video of a Disney medley by this talented singer. It's funny and nice at the same time.

Spineless

Haven't been active on this blog for a while. Life serving National Service ain't so exciting. Okay it is in a way, but nothing much is happening to my civilian life so yea, MIA for a while.

This pair of dancers is just so awesome I had to share it. Don't know who still visits this page but I'm sure you will not regret after seeing this. Peace!