In agony

I'm so useless.I wish there was some way I could help her.

Sick? or Sick of?

OMG, I'm down with stomach flu. Got no idea how I got it, but the doc says it didn't came from food poison. Been absent from school since mid-tuesday. Haha, I was already feeling unwell on the way to school tuesday morning, with cold sweat running through in the MRT.

Being rock headed, I even took Albert and Hsienfa laoshi's classes. But I backed out during the last few exercises of Albert's class, was on the verge of puking. Then for ballet, I was trying my best to look glamorous although my stomach was killing me. Haha, but I couldn't pull it through and kept messing up the exercises. Laoshi could tell I was not very focused. I felt bad and pissed at myself, I wanted to proof that I was "jian bang yin de", but I couldn't. I managed to finish the class, ending with that killer tiring male technique combination. Was panting and gasping for air by the end of it.

Ok, so I've been sleeping and resting at home for the past few days. Went to school on Thursday, we were going to perform at Meridian JC. I was doing fine that day, even went to school extra early to sweat it out, to test whether I could take it. But towards the late afternoon... dang, I was weak and half dead again. Even had to stand in the train all the way to woodlands. Went home and slept straight. zzz zzz

Woke up today friday morning and didn't go to school again. I really dunno what's wrong with my body. The sores are all gone but I still feel weak. Is it all in the head? Or am I really physically exhausted from the flu? Awwww... my stomach's acting weird now.

I'm afraid to go back to dance. I don't think I can perform my best in the condition I am now. I'm afraid to disappoint myself. I want to push myself, but I don't have the strength, don't have the courage, don't have the drive, don't have the heart.

I need to get myself back together as soon as possible. The rest of the world is not taking a day off, so why should I?

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小小的手掌厚厚的温暖
你总能平复我不安的夜晚

- TANK, 专属天使

Missing

Haven't blogged much recently. Hmmm.... Just gonna post some chinese phrases =p

没有承诺 却被你抓得更紧

This is a line from an old song.

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Hmmm....

付出真心　才会得到真心
却也可能伤得彻底　　
保持距离　就能保护自己　　
却也注定永远寂寞
　　
冷漠　有时候并不是无情　　
只是一种避免被伤害的工具

I read this from an e-mail I received. Maybe this is what is unknowingly happening to me.
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Dancing without a heart...
No movements can fill that empty space but you.