Monday morning...

Haha, just a posting some nonsense here. Today's finally a half day for me! Been rehearsing til late at night for the past week. The thesis show's on wednesday, hope everything goes smoothly for me. Hmmmm, should practise more. Haha...

Oh yea, today's a half day, but I gotta go HK for practice in the evening, gotta get that timing right! -_-" There goes my free time again. Well there's always tomorrow =p

Peace.

Beowulf!

Yeah!!! The first show of Beowulf Jam went quite successfully. I was very worried coz I jump straight into another dancer during the rehearsal. And I slipped on the left wing curtain when I was exiting. Haha... But it was pretty alright for me during the show yesterday. A big thank you to all supporters =p She couldn't make it for the show ytd. I was really disappointed =( It would have been great if she came. Don't know what's goin through my head. I started to cry when everything's starting. Haha, and it was the make-up holding back the tears. Would ruin the whole eye-liner if I start sobbing. Gotta stop acting like a crybaby.

One more show to go tonight... =] Wish me luck!!! Wahaha...

Peace y'all.

Ouch!!!

My thumb really hurts. =( The nail's gone all black. And they say the nail will eventually fall off. Dang, that's gonna be an ugly sight. Haha...

Peace.

Monday Night.

Time is flying. Days are going by. Hours and minutes are ticking. I feel that I am still stuck at where I am. Moving on was never easy.

Finally, "He Wu Gong Ming"'s over. Opera's over. Oh yea, now there's time for other stuff :) Realized I got a lot of dance to remember in school. Mind block! There's Loretta's piece, Albert's piece, Yarra's piece, Jenny's piece. Not to forget the dance for Beowulf Jam. It's a production put up by all the foundation students, and we are way behind schedule! Only got around four weeks left to rehearse.

Haha, wish me luck! =D

I think of you all the time. =( I guess I really miss you. But it's not really you that I'm missing. I miss the times when there was you,

and me.

Be happy.

I wanna live a better life. A happier life. My mother says I'm not allowing myself to. Guess she's right. I'm the one grieving over something long gone. I'm trying to find it back and fail everytime. Keep falling and falling. Useless and pointless.

I want to smile and laugh about it but I just can't.

我愿意改变 (what can I do?)
重新再来一遍(just give me change)
我无法只是普通朋友
感情已那么深
叫我怎么能收手
但你说
I only want to be your friend
做个朋友
我在
你心中只是just a friend
不是情人
我感激你对我这样的坦白
但我给你的爱暂时收不回来
So I
我不能只是be your friend
I just can't be your friend
no,no,no,
我不能只是做你的朋友
不能只是做普通朋友

Emo sia :P

Sh*t. I'm so... Why is it I have no confidence? I wanna be confident, I wanna be a independent person who people can count on. It takes a lot of will to change.

I guess what I always wanted is someone who can encourage me. Give me the confidence I so often lack. I always wanted someone who cares about what I do, enjoys what I do. I always wanted someone who doesn't mind keeping me company. I always wanted someone who could make me happy and I in turn can give happiness too.

That is really too much to ask for. I guess all I wanted is love. Stupid kid.

Why

Crystals forming in the eye. They've been coming for the past few days. I can't control myself anymore. I don't what it is I'm looking for, what it is I want.

I feel so alone. I feel, sad.

One day down... millions more to go

I guess it's one of those days where I could think and function logically. Went to school, had class... lunch... class, fell asleep halfway through performance history... had rehearsal.... off to studio wu for class.... go home.

Haha, and I've finished my journal assignment due tml. =p Finally have some "free" time. But still go lotsa things to do =[ Always get caught up in all sorts of crap.

Hmmm, I think I'm trying to make peace with myself. There are important things to be done. No use crying over my sorrows... =(

I wonder what she's doing now...

Don tink too much lahz

I know it's just a thing of the mind. But I just can't help it. Seems like misery has become my new best friend. -_-"

VDay

Happy Valentine's Day =) What a boring stupid day...

What a year.

I read through my posts here in 2007. I realized I don't talk much about the two of us. It's mostly about my silly problems with dance, especially the dec showcase. I guess the reason why I didn't write much about that is I hope someday,you'll come across this page, and understand more abt me. You never did of course. Haha...

It ended somewhere in July. I guess I was taking it quite well for a while. Then in August, that's when I started cracking up. Every now and then there were melancholic entries by a very depressed, heart-broken man. (Well, most of the time actually, I realized :p)

Hate it when I grieve over the past. Nothing's gonna come out of it. "Move on dude."

I miss you. I really do.

Not again.

Just wanna say the same thing which I've posted here before...
I can't remember the last time I was truly happy.

I don't know what I want.

From 07 to 08

Yay, been better these few weeks. Life's a lot easier to go through this way.It's chinese new year chu yi today. For some reason I woke up 5 plus in the morning. Watched Sweeny Todd with EK and RL ytd. Very nice show. You can never get tired of musicals :P Haha, but I think live musical theatre performances are much better. You can really 'feel' the performers.

Not visiting much relatives this year again. That makes 2 years in row. Oh well... Who enjoys going bai nian anyway. Except for the money maybe.

I'm haunted by year 2007. It's been a year. It's like I'm 're-living' everything. Everyday I look at the date and recall what I did last year on this day. All the crap I put myself through, all the regrets, all the pointless sorrow... the happy thoughts... the happy moments... the beautiful moments. Gone. Everything lost.

No point grieving over the past. Got loads more to deal with now. Wait for me please. Nobody's perfect. (I'm nobody. Nah, just playin :p) One has to learn to care for oneself before learning to care for others.

寂寞男孩的悲哀, 说出来，谁明白
Haha, a line from a familiar song =p

Stupid

I hate myself for getting f*cked up over these foolish things.

The same

Haha, I guess I'm not much different from everyone out there. =p

Human

I'm not strong. Stab me, I'll bleed. Hurt me, and I'll cry.

Far far away.

Trapped. Been hell for me all over again these few days. Everytime I try to go more, it just hurts more. To back out, I don't have the courage to. Now I'm stucked in the middle of nowhere. Being oblivious and ignorant to myself isn't helping.

You can say I'm having one of those nights again. Maybe coz this is the time I can't find things to occupy myself with. And my mind just drifts back to the same damn heartache that's been haunting me ever since... ever since then.

Trust.I wish it can be easy.

"Everyone has their dream. But some just don't have the drive."

Endless Road

The truth is tearing up my heart
I can't recognise this place
The endless road without a stop sign
Can't even find a stranger this time

Why am I still holding back my tears
In this loneliness there's nothing left to fear
Every chord still seems a wonder
How we could be together
Everytime I ask if this would be the last

Why am I still talking to myself
Hoping you will have the keys to my cell
Every song might calm the weather
But it just draws me deeper
How do I get out of this
I think~ I never will

A crystal forming in the eye
Maybe this would be the last
The winding path down my face
Till I begin to taste the bitterness inside

Why am I still holding back my tears
In this loneliness there's nothing left to fear
Every chord still seems a wonder
How we could be together
Everytime I ask if this would be the last

Why am I still talking to myself
Hoping you will have the keys to my cell
Every song might calm the weather
But it just draws me deeper
How do I get out of this
I think~ I never will

I never will

Regrets.

There are many things I regret doing. And many I regret not doing.