Stupid

I hate myself for getting f*cked up over these foolish things.

The same

Haha, I guess I'm not much different from everyone out there. =p

Human

I'm not strong. Stab me, I'll bleed. Hurt me, and I'll cry.

Far far away.

Trapped. Been hell for me all over again these few days. Everytime I try to go more, it just hurts more. To back out, I don't have the courage to. Now I'm stucked in the middle of nowhere. Being oblivious and ignorant to myself isn't helping.

You can say I'm having one of those nights again. Maybe coz this is the time I can't find things to occupy myself with. And my mind just drifts back to the same damn heartache that's been haunting me ever since... ever since then.

Trust.I wish it can be easy.

"Everyone has their dream. But some just don't have the drive."

Endless Road

The truth is tearing up my heart
I can't recognise this place
The endless road without a stop sign
Can't even find a stranger this time

Why am I still holding back my tears
In this loneliness there's nothing left to fear
Every chord still seems a wonder
How we could be together
Everytime I ask if this would be the last

Why am I still talking to myself
Hoping you will have the keys to my cell
Every song might calm the weather
But it just draws me deeper
How do I get out of this
I think~ I never will

A crystal forming in the eye
Maybe this would be the last
The winding path down my face
Till I begin to taste the bitterness inside

Why am I still holding back my tears
In this loneliness there's nothing left to fear
Every chord still seems a wonder
How we could be together
Everytime I ask if this would be the last

Why am I still talking to myself
Hoping you will have the keys to my cell
Every song might calm the weather
But it just draws me deeper
How do I get out of this
I think~ I never will

I never will

Regrets.

There are many things I regret doing. And many I regret not doing.

One Last Dance

I 'rewarded' myself with a VCD today :p Haha, it's an old film called One Last Dance. It's quite nice. But I don't think someone who has never tried dance would understand it fully. They would never know the hardships dancers go through, and the passion inside them.

Haha, anyway, it's nice lah, that's what I wanna say. :p Have a nice day y'all.

Dementor?

I don't know why, but depression comes to me every night. I should sleep early and just forget everything.

Empty.

I guess it's just one of those nights... depressed. It sucks living with a feeling of emptiness. I don't know why but ever since that happened I cannot stand being alone. Gotta learn to be more independent -.-"

Haha, having fried rice now. Cooked it myself :P But my mum was guiding me, again. It's so hard to remember what to do first. The sausages, the egg, the rice, the crabmeat, the salt, the 'jiang qin' (I forgot what it is in eng :p) So confusing... Luckily it still tasted alright. But if you guys don't see me tomorrow you'll probably know what's the cause of it.

I hope it's just one of those nights. Coz I ain't feelin so good right now. Hate my loser life. Maybe if I work really hard, eveything would work out fine. To be cold... I'm not one who's bold enough to do that. I don't know how to just walk away. Not making much sense again.

Peace y'all. Oh ya, by the way, Lasalle's having an informal showing in school this coming friday, at H102 on the first floor. Starts at 6. Do come watch if you have got nothing else better to do :P Zu You will be appearing in a short 'animal-like' routine, Loretta's piece, and a short rhythm performance. Wish him luck!

Next Time.

I look at the man in the mirror and I don't like what I see. The way he looks. The way he behaves. The way he thinks. Time for a change.

Somehow, it makes me feel a little better to voice my sadness here. So this page is soon becoming a dull one about a boy writing about miserable things. Hmmm, maybe I should do this; makes it easier to keep things to myself at other times. The world doesn't have to see this side of me. To the peeps who do come here, I thank you for allowing me to share this with you. Besides, nobody likes a depressed, anti-social person.

Somehow I got to make it on my own. I have to. Slowly but surely, I'm fading...

Next time.

Keeping It Real.

Reached home at 11 plus. I just happened to switch on the tv and there's a movie on HBO. "Hustle and Flow". Find it inspiring.

"Everybody's gotta have a dream."

Yea, but that's just what they are. Dreams.

Way Over My Head

Don't really know how to describe it. I just feel very "mixed up" recently. And it isn't a good feeling -.-"

Have a good day everyone.

Way Back Into Love

Haha, just happen to listen to this song on the computer. Here are bits and pieces of the lyrics from the song...

I've been living with a shadow overhead,
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed,
I've been lonely for so long,
Trapped in the past,
I just can't seem to move on

I've been looking for someone to shed some light,
Not somebody just to get me through the night,
I could use some direction,
And I'm open to your suggestions.

All I want to do is find a way back into love,
I can't make it through without a way back into love,
And if I open my heart to you,
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do,
And if you help me to start again,
You know that I'll be there for you in the end.

Have a nice day everyone.

Alive?

Life isn't fair. I don't have my fair share of ups and downs. What a bad way to start off writing. Been a jerk these few days. Hope I didn't bother everyone too much. I still am now. Sorry. I'm gonna break soon...

Was feeling bad the whole day yesterday. I really can't do this kind of choreography. I'm not that experienced yet. Now I don't how to continue with it. Was never a creative person =( In secondary school, it took me almost 20minutes to think of what to write for a composition. What ever happened to my right brain? It's not there maybe or it hasn't ever been used.

Starting to go back to how I was again. I'm certain it's not normal to cry almost every night. Just can't help it. Weak idiot -.-" Yea, they say I just think too much. Then how do you think less? Looking at how my life is going, I feel like sh*t these few days. Can't remember the last time I had some happiness. Now there's nothing left. Depressed. "zi you zi ji neng pang zi ji"

Hate birthdays. It just shows how little friends I have. Those who truly care. That's why I try to do many things for many people. Hoping some day people would do the same for me. Not making any sense here. Nvm.

Once again, ZuYou failed in changing to be a better, independent person. He wished his father could come and scold him, knocking some sense real hard into his hollow good-for-nothing head. Haiz, hopeless people like ZuYou don't last very long.

Oh yes I skipped school today.

Forget all of this.

Nothing to say. What a blue day it is for me today. Actually it's yesterday, technically. Don't know how much more I can endure until I break...

"You're my sunshine =)"
How sweet... ... ... how I wish... ... ...
Too bad.

In the Middle of the Night.

Life's been really tiring these few days. Been crushed by all the assignments given. Hmmm... will take a half-day off next week if there's time =p Hehe..

I realized I don't use my brain as much as I should. Dumb. Talk about "All brawn and no brain". But I'm not really muscular in the first place -.-" That makes me "No brawn and no brain", meaning "useless".

Had a tough dance day today. A**ert Ti*ng fired up quite a few times during contemporary class today. I was even singled out to do one of the exercises. Luckily I wasn't yelled at. Phew! Today is the first time I heard him scolding in full sentences. Last time all I heard is "Shit!", or "Stupid!" Haha... Something "embarassing" happened to me during ballet class today; Shhhh!!! Don't tell anyone... I cried =( Just got fed up of how I can't do ballet... And nobody gives as much a damn about me as the others. I'm on my own, gotta improve faster... :p In movement class, Mr Aaron talk to us more about the 'dark' dance world out there. I hate it when they keep 'complaining', but I'll just keep silent at a corner. It's okay to work at our own suitable pace. But like him, I would very much like to soar up to the sky asap. without causing too much injuries to myself of course :p Life is short, especially a dancer's life.

For a moment or two today, I felt different. I felt I could live my own life again, without you. Haha... is that a good thing or a bad thing? I don't know. My yao's getting worse. Maybe should go see a doctor about it.

Gotta start doing my voice assignments now. Hope I can get at least 3 hours of sleep tonight. Have a nice day y'all.

-.-zzz

Hooray! I finally finsh my Learning and Research assignments. There goes my sleep though -.-zzz Haha, gotta go off to school soon -.-zzzz

Have a nice day y'all -.-zzz

The things that you do...

You're the one who can bring me joy and happiness. You're also the one who can make me sad. You made me shed a thousand tears for you. It's not worth it, but I just can't help it.

Not in a very good mood right now. Haha, when was I ever in a good mood. Stress...

Hope I can do something by the end of this miserable lonely night. I seek comfort from you, but I just can't find any. Shit, I'm going crazy. Need to sleep.

Oh ya, went to watch NAFA's show today. Amazing.

Don't bother.

PEOPLE, DON'T BOTHER READING THIS.

I'm really miserable. I feel that I am useless. I feel that I am hopeless. I feel that I can't get anything done. I feel that things can't be done my way.

No wait... I am useless. I am hopeless. I can't get anything done. Things can't be done my way. Arggg, I suck.

Haha, no use f*cking up. It ain't gonna help at all. Just wanna 'scream' my a*s off somewhere. Guess I need a shoulder to lean on.

When I needed you the most. You weren't there.
Sh*t, a tear almost came out when I typed that. Managed to held it back. Gotta shake this feeling off. It's not gonna do anyone any good.

Good Nite.

Wasting time? Or not?

Alamak! It's almost 3am. I spent the whole night watching dance videos of all kinds on youtube. Saw a lot of "innovative hip hop", smart people =P It kinda scares me how amazing trained dancers can be. It made me realize too how much I still have to work on. At the rate I'm going, I'm never gonna make it big. Oh man, jiayou! *pat on the back.

Haha, I dunno whether I was wasting my time. I am still crushed by all my incomplete assignments. And here I am still not using time to do it. What the heck am I thinking? I feel that time's still far ahead of me (slow down lah! -.-")

Anyway, should get some sleep. Will need lots of energy; having "Shaolin" modern dance tml. Wahaha!

I really wanna be good. But sometimes I just can't seem to put in enough hardwork. I wanna change the man in the mirror.