S.O.S

Wow, this is my first post for 2009. Been busy lately so I haven't really been able to find time to update. And I don't really know what to write about also. Okay I think this is gonna be an EMO post, just wanna scream some things out here. I don't see the point but it might make me feel better. Or not. Or maybe by tomorrow I'll be all better already.

Been caught up in a hectic life recently. Mostly dance actually. There's just so many things to do everyday and every hour. That's why I could pull myself together so well after being depressed for so long. There is a goal for me to reach and something to be done. But lately I find it's getting really difficult and I'm starting to be convinced by what one of my teachers have been telling me. The message was simple, "Your dream in dance is impossible."

Maybe I'm just been pessimistic and all. I'm glad you and many of my friends keep telling me that I can do it, giving encouragement like "Jiayou!", "Will get there de," , "Work hard and you'll do it". But at the end of the day, reality is harsh. I just hope I'm not too caught up in all these dreams that are almost impossible to achieve.

I went to Huikuan for class today. It's been a long time since I've been there. Was busy doing the Sun Drum Dance in Johor for Chinese New Year. It was a great experience though getting through the customs was a real waste of time. It's so funny how we had all these accidents during the show coz the stage is either unsuitable or just plain too small to be used to perform a dance. Especially when you're waving two long sticks and carrying a big drum on your back. Haha...

So anyway, class today was so hard for me. Kinda lost touch with everything. I hate to say it, and I hate to feel this way. But I have to admit, I realize that I'm really very unhappy at huaykuan. Being angry at myself is most of the reason why I hate being there I think. I'm sorry to say, but I really don't feel like going back there anymore. For now maybe... I know it's irresponsible to do that. But I just can't take it anymore, don't wanna go there every weekend and feel so bad. This isn't normal. This isn't good.

I felt so much misery at huaykuan over the years. So much that I can't really remember anything happy. I feel so in pain sometimes. All the shit I went through there. I don't think I can go there and just take a proper good class anymore. I get distracted. I can't pay attention. I can't focus. I can't just keep my heart and mind on dance.

At this moment, I just don't want to go back anymore.

Maybe I just need a break.

A break from Huikuan.

A break from the past that's still haunting me and a break from the future that's scaring me.

The question now is the present. What do I wanna do?

Merry Christmas

I guess it's time I grow up.

1)Just another of those days 2)Digging up the Past?

Finally, another update. I'm eating bread with nutella now. Yummy...

Today (Well yesterday actually..) was like any other of my easier more relaxed days I suppose. Went to Anderson sec in the morning to help out with their Chinese New Year item. It's not perfect yet, but at least there's improvement and it looks better than before. They'll be dancing with a chou-san sort of thing. It's kind of like a fan with long cloth like that of a chou.

Yea, so after that I just wanted to chill. Actually wanted to eh.... meet up or something. Arg, well nvm, Ya so from AMK I met up with some friends and ate LJS and Swensens. Haha, Lao Ma had a coupon at Swensens that we could use to get two sundaes for the price of one :p

Ya so we hanged out and chilled. Haha, opps sorry if sometimes I get all moody and isolated. Watch a 9plus show at Causeway Point, Twilight. It's an okay show I guess. Maybe if I have the time, I'll try to get and read the book. But I think it's like almost sold out everywhere. well, maybe next time then, still got tons of books I want to but haven't got a chance to read yet.

Whoa, this might just turn out to be a longer post than I thought. Okay, 5min break. Gotta go fix myself another slice of bread and nutella... I just realize I haven't eat dinner today >_<"

Okay I'm back. Took more than five minutes though. So anyway, I reached home late just now. Nothing surprising there :p And who would have thought of it, I actually took time to clean and tidy up my room! Haha, my room's been in a dreadful mess for quite a while already. It's really like a pig sty, with stacks of paper lying everywhere, and things thrown around.

When I was trying to organise the papers lying on the table, I came across the cards that I received recently. Most of them are the cards I received on my 18th birthday. For a moment i felt happy reading them. But just a moment. What they did for me was nice =) Really appreciate that.

And there was also the fans. I found the fans that I used to use in secondary school. We performed Zhang He a lot. Haha, there was the green fan which I use for practices. Now it's broken beyond repair. I'll just leave in my room then :p And there was the other fan. This one's similar to the red Kungfu fan that the guys are using to practise now. I didn't know I had this fan with me, it's used during our performances in those days. Haha, I actually Kapok-ed the fan home. The school doesn't use it anymore anyway. This fan really brings back a lot of memories for me, both in and out of dance. It's really cool, the fan even has my name written nicely on it. A very cool fan indeed... =p

I digged up a few photos as well. I printed them recently only, just this year. It's pics of some of us RS HK peeps eating together. It's really sad that we'll never be able to do that again, after all that's happened with them. Screw them man =/ Haha...

And dang, I also dug up a piece of letter that I wrote long ago. Well, it's just last year only but still, I had almost forgot about it. I never gave the letter. It's actually more like a draft, scribbled on foolscap, but I never came about to finishing it properly. Hmmm... I don't want to be that emo kid writing that letter anymore. I'm different now, hopefully, even if it's just different by an inch or two. Maybe I should give that letter, hmmm....

I wish when the time comes, I'll have the courage to pull this one through. I'll think about it. Or I'll sleep over it coz I'm tired now. zzz zzz Haha.

Peace.

Don't give up on me.

Crossroads

It's monday morning now. Well it's actually almost afternoon already. Haha, I woke up late today like, 10 plus. Had 9 hours of good sleep, haven't slept so much in a long time :p

We did the Guan Mo Hui dance showcase yesterday, Good job everyone! Although I heard it was not very well done as there were plenty of mistakes. It happens in performances all the time, we just have to make sure we cover them up and the audience doesn't know it. Haha

Now that this performance is done, I'm not sure what to do anymore. Huay Kuan I mean... This might just be the last show I do with them. And everything's so different now. Everything's changed. I feel like I don't belong there anymore.

Arg, this is starting to be another depressing post again.

It's kind of frustrating that I have no sense of where I wanna go, and what I wanna do. Choices are so difficult to make. I can't make choices because I'm just too afraid of the things that would happen. I don't know what I'll do if I would fall again. I'll never be able to climb back up and continue.

Just so lost and confused right now. "Set goals in life, have dreams". But what is it that I want? Besides chocolates and ice lemon tea? :P Haha...

I'm trying very hard to make a choice....

And yup, I'm gonna try. I know if I don't I'm gonna regret it forever. Now all I need is the confidence and courage to do it. I don't want us to go on like this, things are gonna be different, trust me. Okay, I'm talking to myself again...

The courage to stand on my own. I choose to be the best of me.

1am

Okay, I've been MIA here for so long. Sorry guys =p Haha, but if you're at Lasalle, Hui Kuan, or Cheng Ballet, you'll see that ZuYou is still in action! Yup, been busy and hanging aroung these places most of the time these few weeks.

It's easy to manage these things if you just put your whole head into it and jump right in. But well, recently I just can't seem to do that anymore...

And history just seems to repeat itself again.
...


I Still...

Who are you now?
Are you still the same
Or did you change somehow?
What do you do
At this very moment when I think of you?
And when I'm looking back
How we were young and stupid
Do you remember that?
Baby

No matter how I fight it
Can't deny it
Just can't let you go

I still need you
I still care about you
Though everything's been said and done
I still feel you
Like I'm right beside you
There's still no word from you

Now look at me
Instead of moving on, I refuse to see
That I keep coming back
And I'm stuck in a moment
That wasn't meant to last (to last)

I try to fight it
Can't deny it
You don't even know

That I still need you
I still care about you
Though everything's been said and done
I still feel you
Like I'm right beside you
There's still no word from you

Ohhhh
Wish I could find you
Just like you found me
Ohhhhh (can't live without you)

Though everything's been said and done (yeah)
I still feel you (I still feel you)
Like I'm right beside you (like I'm right beside you)
But still no (still no word) word from you

----
I miss her. I just wish things didn't have to end up this way.

Haha

Hehe, just a random post. I'm in the school library now. Got a class starting soon.

Sorry I haven't been updating. Been quite busy. So much has happened since the last post; my birthday, the Huay Kuan dance production and many more. Haven't got the time to write about it.

It's a tough period for me now. Hope I can cope with everything. Dang, sometimes I just wanna sit down, rest and talk =( Okay, I'm just wasting time posting this now. Haha, gotta go...

Peace.

Put down into words.

There are many things running through my head right now. Too many things. I'm never good at putting things down into words, but I'll try. Man that sounds so familiar, I probably wrote that before in a letter. Haha...

Let's see... Oh yea, I watched Feng Zhong Shao Lin with Mum and Dad at Esplanade last week. One word, DOPE. Haha, won't fill you guys on the details. The word says it all. :p

Choreographers Napoleon and Tabitha are dope. They choreographed a few items for SYTYCD season4. Their style is mostly lyrical hip hop. But I felt that they brought it a step furter. Emo hip hop. Wahaha... watching their choreography, it narrates, hand in hand with the song. It's not just about the tricks and being on beat. But the dancers were on beat of course. And I can see that they incorporate other so called non-hip hop movements, these help to express the chemistry between the two dancers in their duet. They're good... ... wow =p

Okay here's the boring section of this post zzz zzz. Me and my conflicts within. Still doing not so bad. Previously, I was working on being independent. Got better at it =) Yea,*pat my own back... I'm functioning well almost 24/7. Sadly, I still have signs and moments of breaking up when, well... you guys know, I assume. I'm still trying to think of a way to figure this out. Anyway, I still got tons of other flaws. Can't think straight now so I don't know what I should work on next. Gimme a few more days to ponder about it.

Sorry, can't put any more thoughts into words already. That's why I'm not a writer.

Right now, I feel so lost. But staying strong! Haha, go hard!

Crap, I'm not a Leo. I don't feel like a Leo.

Haha, peace y'all.

Not worth Reading... Ha

Don't really have something in mind to blog. Well here are just random stuffs and things that I did today. Well, technically it's yesterday...

Okay, I don't how to explain what I wanna say so nevermind. Here's what I did today(or yesterday :P)...

Today was a not so tiring but tiring day. Today was a not so productive yet productive day. Haha, I'm contradicting what I say :p But that's the best way I can think of to sum it up. Didn't do much in the morning, woke up and play PSP =/ I'm on holiday so it should be alright to play a lil bit right?

Late afternoon I made my way to Studio Wu. It's a long MRT trip zzz zzz... But not to worry, they're moving to a new place somewhere near SMU soon. That would be convenient. So anyway, monday's the most 'aggressive' day for me. Choing 3 classes straight. Haha, super workout. My shirt was heavy and wet by the start of the second class. Won't elaborate about the classes. One word. Dope. Haha... It's fun. I enjoy taking classes there, though it's very tiring sometimes. I realize most of the people there are older than me. Well there are people my age. But the 'old birds' are mostly in their 20s or reaching 20. I don't know all the peeps very well but they are nice people. Well, it's very different being there compared to being at huay kuan. What's different I don't know. Me I guess... And the way people see me is different. Now that's something to remember.

Haha, I realize I'm talking and typing more to myself rather than to you the reader. That's my failing in being unable to express myself and my thoughts. Gotta work on this some time. Dang, this post is just not worth reading. Sorry :p

Well see y'all. Peace.

Cold

Okay I woke up to a really bad start today. I did nothing much yesterday but as soon as I got home, I fell asleep zzz zzz. And I just happen to wake up 6plus in the morning. I laid in bed half awake and slept again soon after. 7plus I woke up again. 8plus I woke up again. Finally 10plus my mum called me up. Haha... I showered and ate breakfast. Had Mian Xian... Yup, mum says it's my dad's chinese birthday today. Hahaha, which means tomorrow's my chinese birthday! =P Really, I'm not kidding... :p

Yea, so after eating I just laid on the sofa listening to SPESHOW. And dang, I slept again. I'm typing all this now just moments after I woke up. :P

Okay, so it was a bad start coz I slept through almost half the day. What really made me feel so bad is the dreams I had(sound so kiddish!). I slept and woke up so many times that I dunno at which point I had which dream. But anyway, some were nice and some were just crap. But the last one really hit me bad. For one thing it was quite real. And it ended up the same as the previous so called "nightmares" that I've been having. I think it was around the time after dance camp then when I kept having those dreams. So why today too? -.-"

Maybe it's beacause I kept thinking that it would happen. Maybe because I really don't want something like that to ever happen. That's why this kind of situations keep playing inside my head when I sleep. Oh man, I'm so depressed. Hahaha... I miss everything so so much

Guess I won't be doing much today. I have problems helping the RS modern dancers. I don't know what to do. I'm not confident, that's why =(

My dog's scratching my leg coz she wants her lunch. Shouldn't have wore shorts; there's scratch marks all over my leg now. Gotta go give her her food before she starts barking like a mad dog... See y'all.

Peace.

Not doing so Good.

Nothing much to say actually... coz nothing interesting happen. Haha...

I'm miserable most of the time I know. Lately I've expressing my misery too freely I suppose, in the form of sitting at one corner and insulting the people around me. Opps... Wrong move. (-_-)"

I once said that everyone has a choice and I choose to be the best of myself. I know myself better now and I really don't wanna be the person I see in the mirror now. It's not easy for me to do this on my own, but I'll try. My fears are drawing up upon me and I can't let them get me down.

Being confident isn't a good thing. Well being over confident isn't. Especially when it gets to your head. I see good people turn bad because of this. Like what people always say, too much of anything isn't good.

I guess anyone reading this boring post would be falling asleep soon. I don't have anything in particular that I wanna say actually. Yea, will update again when something worth writing pops up. Haha...

There's no use crying over spilled milk. But there wouldn't be anything to cry over if the milk was never there isn't it?

Take care...

*Sigh... It's been a while since the previous post. Can't say I've been better much. Well I think I got over most of that empty melancholic feeling, but I still ain't completely okay. Every now and then I still feel... sad. Well, it takes time to get better I guess. When dealing with all the conflicts within oneself, I learnt that everyone has a choice. I choose to be the best of myself =)

Alright, enough of this crazy depressed sh*t, here's some random stuffs... Haha

Been watching some videos on youtube. Dang, these dancers are dope! Rob Hoffman, Adam Servani, Travis Wall are crazy-a*s DOPE! Do look up on them on youtube if you guys have the time. Ummmmm, better not look up on them if you are easily offended, hahaha...

Somehow, I got the job of doing RS modern dance's open house item. Dang, I hope I can pull this off. It's not gonna be easy for me. Ain't cut out to do this kinda thing. I sucked big time when I did FTP's danceworks. Hope I'll do a better job on this. Gotta stay confident! (haha, all the useless self-encouragement :p)

The 3-person dance for August's performance is still in the making. Haha, hope it gets done asap, coz there's like what, just about 2 months left before showtime. I don't wanna screw this up too. Haha, my role in the item is a suffering victim, a D.I.D (damsel in distress), haha kidding. I'm a V.I.P (victim in pain).

Oh yea, watched Hancock today. It's a great movie. Humorous and action-packed at the same time. The storyline isn't pretty good though. A great movie to watch, especially when you're feeling =( with nothing better to do. The character John Hancock, proofed that you can change as long as you are willing to. You can change if you give yourself a chance. Yup, that sure helped a lot, if you know what I mean =p Haha... Peace y'all.

OMG, my dog just ate a lizard, which is so disgusting. She's never gonna lick my face again :P Now I know where all the pimples came from :p

Haha, that's all I could think of for now. Now that I think about it, I wonder who visits this page anyway. Maybe I should start writing more productive stuff instead of all these nonsense.... ... ... ... ... Nah. We'll see...

Hang in there. Please.

Half awake only

Oh I'm sick of torturing myself over all these problems which were never supposed to be there in the first place. It's just senseless. Crying over it is senseless. I'm just beating myself getting troubled over things like this. Now that I think about it, there was really nothing wrong.

The only thing wrong is the way I think things through, the way I see things, the way I perceive things. The only thing wrong right now is ME. Okay, now that we found where the problem lies, I can do something about it. Again. And again. And again.
All this while, all this time, I've been wanting to 改變自己 and once again, I proofed myself a failure. But it isn't all that bad, coz I honestly I feel that I'm becoming a better person. Yup, but just a little, not even an inch :p I understand myself a little better now. I just hope I didn't annoyed her too much this time.

Truth is, I've been expecting too much. That's why all these things that's happening or not happening are bothering me. There really was nothing much there in the first place. I wanted someone to care more about me, to care about what's happening to my life. I wanted to be someone that matter to someone. All this is too much to ask for. Even from friends and family. You can even say it's selfish to expect things like this. Okay, I know I'm a really dependent person (which is not a good thing) and I should try to be more self-reliable. So here's one of the points I can start to change; be more INDEPENDENT.

-"How could you expect yourself to take care of someone if you can't even take care of yourself?"

These words are coming back to haunt me again.

I just hope I haven't blew it completely this time. It just ain't the same without you here. I got rid of some of the emo-ness inside of me. I wanna be at peace with myself.

If I could go back, I wish I could have done things differently.

[ nothi_g to se_ h_re ]

It's funny that I'm always eating when I post something here. But this time it's not bread with peanut butter and strawberry jam. I'm eating milo and biscuits :P Haha, another wonderful combination...

I'm cutting out the 'birds' now. It's harder than it looks. Yea, I'm using a scissors used for cutting hair. Haha, which reminds me of a few lines from the movie You Don't Mess With The Zohan.
"I want to.... ... cut hair."
"Make your hair silky smooth..."
Actually I'm not sure wether I'm cutting them right, but I sure hope I am. Haha, I think there's gonna be a problem with the sewing part :p

I feel so lost right now. I don't know what I'm feeling. I think I'm supposed to be happy, but I'm not. And it's not sadness I'm feeling. Believe me, I know how being upset feels like. I'm just.... I don't know what best describes this... empty.
All these things that I've been doing, the decisions I've made, the choices I made; it's making me vulnerable.
Punch me, it'll hurt. Stab me, I'll bleed. I don't want to be shattered all over again. I don't think I can bring myself back up again if it ever does happens.

Dang, I'm thinking way too much already. Gotta play it cool... ;] Everything's gonna turn out just fine. "Oh yea, real comforting". Haha, the beauty of sarcasm.

Ok, I finished cutting out ten 'birds' already. Will leave out the rest for tomorrow since I'm still not very sure I'm doing it right.

I'm hoping for a great day tomorrow, seriously. Staying positive =) (trying desperately to.)

I wish... Oh nevermind.

Being Random.

Hungry. I'm eating bread with peanut butter and strawberry jam now. That's a delicious combination =p

I don't think I'm fully utilizing my holiday. It's almost two months already but I still don't feel the holiday mood. Maybe it's because there's the performance in August to worry about. Maybe.... Haha...

Been visiting the library quite a few times recently. It's funny seeing the secondary and junior college students studying inside there. Stress is written all over their faces. Even when it was reaching 9pm, many students were still busy mugging away. And there I was taking my own leisure time strolling down the aisle of books looking for something nice to read. I feel so relaxed compared to all those students. Sad... Wahaha...

Been having nightmares since the end of dance camp. Well, sort of... it's not really scary but it just makes me feel bad when I wake up. And there're all about the same thing, though they're all different scenes. Four times already. Dang, am I getting paranoid? Haha, maybe it would help to not think too much before going to sleep.

There's supposed to be a few more random stuffs I wanna write about. But I'm getting lazy. And it's getting late. Will end here for now. No wait, one more thing...

Realized I've been sailing off course lately. I'm not heading towards my destination. Just floating around and going where the wind takes me, with no regards as to whether it takes me closer or farther away from my destination. Is this the right thing to do? Or is it time for me to keep the sails, row out my oars and start peddling?

Hmmm.... Think I'll do both. The wind will take me along with it, and my oars will make sure I don't steer off course too much. Yup. Let's leave it at that for now. Focus, ZuYou. Stay positive. Still I remain nostalgic in this journey across these seas of melancholies.

Haha, what the he*l was all that about? Just a lousy attempt to express how I'm feeling in a more interesting way :p

Peace.

Hungry!

OMG! I'm not even this hardworking when I was doing my schoolwork.

Haha, I just finished editing the F&N coursework. Phew! Didn't realize it would take this long. Haha, it was so funny correcting some of the mistakes she made inside =x =) And I learnt quite a lot of new things. Checked up on a couple of words and terms used in cooking. Guess what? Folding also means adding something gently into a mixture. I never knew that before...

Haha, doing this kinda sparked a little interest in me for cooking. Nah... who am I kidding =p The only decent dish I made so far is fried rice. My momma's my ShiFu. Hmmmm... maybe I should watch more Jamie Oliver shows :p He is one good cook, though I've never tasted his dishes... but the food looked really tasty on TV :p

Fatigue's taking its toll on me. Gotta go ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ.... Wahaha.
Peace y'all.

It's OVA!!! =p

Oh! There's so many things running through my head right now, and there's so many things I want to write about. But I think I'm too lazy tonight. Will try... :p Hehe...

Aha, it's been a long week of intensive practice. Wu Dao Ying is finally over! It felt longer than a week to me. It was one of the best dance camps I had, though not one of the most productive for me :p I kinda slacked off a bit myself. Maybe that explains why I didn't have any muscle aches. Didn't push myself as hard as I usually do.

Believe it or not, the few days spent there were one of the happier days I have this year. No stress over all the usual silly things I worry about. All there is to worry about is dance well for the production in August. I hope all of us will be in shape, well and ready before the month of August. Jiayou SHHK dancers!

I learnt quite a lot from the camp. I learnt more about myself. There are things within my control, and things beyond my control. I have to get this point right and be more responsible for my own actions. I lost it quite a few times, gotta be smarter next time. Hmmm... leading the simple life I imagined isn't as easy as I thought it would be. Time and time again I have to remind myself not to be blinded by selfish decisions and stray away from the goals I've set. Well it's a relief to know that no one's perfect, but I'm working on it. I guess that's what make us human. That's what define us as humans and not machines. Machines are engineered for perfection, but humans never were. Perfection, is a process, like a never-ending journey. How the journey unfolds depends entirely on us. We write our own stories.

Oh ya, quite a few people's birthdays fall on the days during Wu Dao Ying. Including hers too =D Yea, I gave her her present! Haha, I thought I would be brave enough, but I ended up not having the courage to. Took multiple encouragement from everyone, including her, before I managed to. >.< it was so embarassing. (*gotta be a man, zuyou! Haha, just a thought to myself.) What I did wasn't one of the most excellent craftsmanship of the century, but I hope she likes it. A lot of love and sweat was put into making it, Wahaha! Well, what's done is done. No regrets there. =p

Of course, there were many other interesting things that happened during Wu Dao Ying, but that's all I'll write here for now. Maybe I'll post more stuff tonight after a quick night snack =P

Cheers!

Tuesday!

Haha, yesterday(Tuesday) went by really quickly for me. It was a great day, not much stress =p Went to eat at a jap restaurant, Hanabi. The best thing about it is it's free. All the peeps who taught in BICEP were invited. JZ, JF, YX and I met up and went together. The *ahem couple didn't go =x. It was a buffet! But the problem I had was I don't know any of the food. I ordered mostly simple ones like salmon chicken etc. Haha... no cows for me :p Anyway, I wanted to take pictures but was too busy eating all the food. It was a nice place...

I haven't exactly planned out what I wanted to do that day. Just have a list of things that I need to get done. I have so much work to do! Haha, but I ended up following them to Miss Jia Zhen's shop, Myth. Next time I'll open another shop beside it, call it Legend =p. So we just spent the afternoon inside the shop, just chilling out... zzz zzz Haha

I need to work on a choreo to teach the primary school kids on Wednesday. So I went to SHHK to brainstorm. But I fell asleep as soon as I got that. Was lying on the floor inside the studio. I only woke up when Laoshi came and saw me sleeping on the floor. She was going to choreo the solo for Miss Jenny. So I quickly thought of some last minutes step and left asap. Yea, I'm gonna use the song 'Getcha Head In The Game' from High School Musical to teach the kids.

So anyway, I went to TPY popular, bought a few stuffs and went to YingJie's house. It was almost 10 by then. I need to burn the songs for the class. I really need to get my own CD writer :P While I was there, we discussed a few things about building my 'ironman' suit. Yea, it's a secret =p

I reach home late that day. Was gonna start working on it... but dang, I fell asleep as soon as I finished supper (U.u)zzz zzz
What a day....

Feeling happy or just acting happy?

Yea, so about the last post. Well it really is easier said than done. But I'm working on it :P Haha... just staying positive. Today was a good enough day I suppose, though it isn't really a productive one. Was helping Miss Jenny with RS modern dance in the morning. That sec1 Shaun is so annoying! But he's funny in a lame way I'll give him that. He just sec1 only and he's already acting like that. I was super shy when I first join dance lo. Wow, imagine what kind of person he'll be with a few more years down the road . I don't wanna know =p

So anyway, was planning to go for class after that. But really couldn't bring myself to go. Too lazy... wahaha. Ended up having lunch with Engkiat instead. Then we go Mr Chong's house! Went there to help out and stuff. I got to paint some of the walls! Never got tired of painting walls, it's fun but I don't really know why :P We got free chicken rice after that too. Since there's know furniture and it's so hot inside, we ended up just sitting outside the house eating. Not a glamorous sight really.

And that's day one of a simple life =p Oh man, I really gotta work on my writing. Still sound like a kid. Haha... I'm still working on that little something that I want to do. Well technically I'm just planning now. Gotta put into action soon, no time already!!! =p

Peace y'all.

Cheers!

It's time to stop crying. Haha, it was late when we reached woodlands just now after practice at SHHK. YingJie and I went for 'supper' at Burger King. They were closing at 12am and we went in at 11.55! Haha, they must be kinda pissed off see customers walking in when they all preparing to close. So anyway, we chatted quite a bit. About life in the future and stuff. Thanks dude! Dang, I really gotta grow up. It isn't easy in the world out there. It's a dog eat dog world out there(what a stupid expression).

It doesn't really help much if I keep thinking about those things in the past and get sad over it. What does matter is that we look towards the future and hope for the best. I can't correct the mistakes I made before, but I can avoid them in the future.

Life isn't that bad if you look at it in another way. Okay, time to 改變自己 again. I live simple :p Just wanna be happy and do what I can to make the people I care for happy. And that includes you! Haha... It's tiring to draw circles you know.

I wish...

Does it even mean anything?

It's happening again. I just want to hide in some dark corner and cry.

Monday morning...

Haha, just a posting some nonsense here. Today's finally a half day for me! Been rehearsing til late at night for the past week. The thesis show's on wednesday, hope everything goes smoothly for me. Hmmmm, should practise more. Haha...

Oh yea, today's a half day, but I gotta go HK for practice in the evening, gotta get that timing right! -_-" There goes my free time again. Well there's always tomorrow =p

Peace.

Beowulf!

Yeah!!! The first show of Beowulf Jam went quite successfully. I was very worried coz I jump straight into another dancer during the rehearsal. And I slipped on the left wing curtain when I was exiting. Haha... But it was pretty alright for me during the show yesterday. A big thank you to all supporters =p She couldn't make it for the show ytd. I was really disappointed =( It would have been great if she came. Don't know what's goin through my head. I started to cry when everything's starting. Haha, and it was the make-up holding back the tears. Would ruin the whole eye-liner if I start sobbing. Gotta stop acting like a crybaby.

One more show to go tonight... =] Wish me luck!!! Wahaha...

Peace y'all.

Ouch!!!

My thumb really hurts. =( The nail's gone all black. And they say the nail will eventually fall off. Dang, that's gonna be an ugly sight. Haha...

Peace.

Monday Night.

Time is flying. Days are going by. Hours and minutes are ticking. I feel that I am still stuck at where I am. Moving on was never easy.

Finally, "He Wu Gong Ming"'s over. Opera's over. Oh yea, now there's time for other stuff :) Realized I got a lot of dance to remember in school. Mind block! There's Loretta's piece, Albert's piece, Yarra's piece, Jenny's piece. Not to forget the dance for Beowulf Jam. It's a production put up by all the foundation students, and we are way behind schedule! Only got around four weeks left to rehearse.

Haha, wish me luck! =D

I think of you all the time. =( I guess I really miss you. But it's not really you that I'm missing. I miss the times when there was you,

and me.

Be happy.

I wanna live a better life. A happier life. My mother says I'm not allowing myself to. Guess she's right. I'm the one grieving over something long gone. I'm trying to find it back and fail everytime. Keep falling and falling. Useless and pointless.

I want to smile and laugh about it but I just can't.

我愿意改变 (what can I do?)
重新再来一遍(just give me change)
我无法只是普通朋友
感情已那么深
叫我怎么能收手
但你说
I only want to be your friend
做个朋友
我在
你心中只是just a friend
不是情人
我感激你对我这样的坦白
但我给你的爱暂时收不回来
So I
我不能只是be your friend
I just can't be your friend
no,no,no,
我不能只是做你的朋友
不能只是做普通朋友

Emo sia :P

Sh*t. I'm so... Why is it I have no confidence? I wanna be confident, I wanna be a independent person who people can count on. It takes a lot of will to change.

I guess what I always wanted is someone who can encourage me. Give me the confidence I so often lack. I always wanted someone who cares about what I do, enjoys what I do. I always wanted someone who doesn't mind keeping me company. I always wanted someone who could make me happy and I in turn can give happiness too.

That is really too much to ask for. I guess all I wanted is love. Stupid kid.

Why

Crystals forming in the eye. They've been coming for the past few days. I can't control myself anymore. I don't what it is I'm looking for, what it is I want.

I feel so alone. I feel, sad.

One day down... millions more to go

I guess it's one of those days where I could think and function logically. Went to school, had class... lunch... class, fell asleep halfway through performance history... had rehearsal.... off to studio wu for class.... go home.

Haha, and I've finished my journal assignment due tml. =p Finally have some "free" time. But still go lotsa things to do =[ Always get caught up in all sorts of crap.

Hmmm, I think I'm trying to make peace with myself. There are important things to be done. No use crying over my sorrows... =(

I wonder what she's doing now...

Don tink too much lahz

I know it's just a thing of the mind. But I just can't help it. Seems like misery has become my new best friend. -_-"

VDay

Happy Valentine's Day =) What a boring stupid day...

What a year.

I read through my posts here in 2007. I realized I don't talk much about the two of us. It's mostly about my silly problems with dance, especially the dec showcase. I guess the reason why I didn't write much about that is I hope someday,you'll come across this page, and understand more abt me. You never did of course. Haha...

It ended somewhere in July. I guess I was taking it quite well for a while. Then in August, that's when I started cracking up. Every now and then there were melancholic entries by a very depressed, heart-broken man. (Well, most of the time actually, I realized :p)

Hate it when I grieve over the past. Nothing's gonna come out of it. "Move on dude."

I miss you. I really do.

Not again.

Just wanna say the same thing which I've posted here before...
I can't remember the last time I was truly happy.

I don't know what I want.

From 07 to 08

Yay, been better these few weeks. Life's a lot easier to go through this way.It's chinese new year chu yi today. For some reason I woke up 5 plus in the morning. Watched Sweeny Todd with EK and RL ytd. Very nice show. You can never get tired of musicals :P Haha, but I think live musical theatre performances are much better. You can really 'feel' the performers.

Not visiting much relatives this year again. That makes 2 years in row. Oh well... Who enjoys going bai nian anyway. Except for the money maybe.

I'm haunted by year 2007. It's been a year. It's like I'm 're-living' everything. Everyday I look at the date and recall what I did last year on this day. All the crap I put myself through, all the regrets, all the pointless sorrow... the happy thoughts... the happy moments... the beautiful moments. Gone. Everything lost.

No point grieving over the past. Got loads more to deal with now. Wait for me please. Nobody's perfect. (I'm nobody. Nah, just playin :p) One has to learn to care for oneself before learning to care for others.

寂寞男孩的悲哀, 说出来，谁明白
Haha, a line from a familiar song =p

Stupid

I hate myself for getting f*cked up over these foolish things.

The same

Haha, I guess I'm not much different from everyone out there. =p

Human

I'm not strong. Stab me, I'll bleed. Hurt me, and I'll cry.

Far far away.

Trapped. Been hell for me all over again these few days. Everytime I try to go more, it just hurts more. To back out, I don't have the courage to. Now I'm stucked in the middle of nowhere. Being oblivious and ignorant to myself isn't helping.

You can say I'm having one of those nights again. Maybe coz this is the time I can't find things to occupy myself with. And my mind just drifts back to the same damn heartache that's been haunting me ever since... ever since then.

Trust.I wish it can be easy.

"Everyone has their dream. But some just don't have the drive."

Endless Road

The truth is tearing up my heart
I can't recognise this place
The endless road without a stop sign
Can't even find a stranger this time

Why am I still holding back my tears
In this loneliness there's nothing left to fear
Every chord still seems a wonder
How we could be together
Everytime I ask if this would be the last

Why am I still talking to myself
Hoping you will have the keys to my cell
Every song might calm the weather
But it just draws me deeper
How do I get out of this
I think~ I never will

A crystal forming in the eye
Maybe this would be the last
The winding path down my face
Till I begin to taste the bitterness inside

Why am I still holding back my tears
In this loneliness there's nothing left to fear
Every chord still seems a wonder
How we could be together
Everytime I ask if this would be the last

Why am I still talking to myself
Hoping you will have the keys to my cell
Every song might calm the weather
But it just draws me deeper
How do I get out of this
I think~ I never will

I never will

Regrets.

There are many things I regret doing. And many I regret not doing.

One Last Dance

I 'rewarded' myself with a VCD today :p Haha, it's an old film called One Last Dance. It's quite nice. But I don't think someone who has never tried dance would understand it fully. They would never know the hardships dancers go through, and the passion inside them.

Haha, anyway, it's nice lah, that's what I wanna say. :p Have a nice day y'all.

Dementor?

I don't know why, but depression comes to me every night. I should sleep early and just forget everything.

Empty.

I guess it's just one of those nights... depressed. It sucks living with a feeling of emptiness. I don't know why but ever since that happened I cannot stand being alone. Gotta learn to be more independent -.-"

Haha, having fried rice now. Cooked it myself :P But my mum was guiding me, again. It's so hard to remember what to do first. The sausages, the egg, the rice, the crabmeat, the salt, the 'jiang qin' (I forgot what it is in eng :p) So confusing... Luckily it still tasted alright. But if you guys don't see me tomorrow you'll probably know what's the cause of it.

I hope it's just one of those nights. Coz I ain't feelin so good right now. Hate my loser life. Maybe if I work really hard, eveything would work out fine. To be cold... I'm not one who's bold enough to do that. I don't know how to just walk away. Not making much sense again.

Peace y'all. Oh ya, by the way, Lasalle's having an informal showing in school this coming friday, at H102 on the first floor. Starts at 6. Do come watch if you have got nothing else better to do :P Zu You will be appearing in a short 'animal-like' routine, Loretta's piece, and a short rhythm performance. Wish him luck!

Next Time.

I look at the man in the mirror and I don't like what I see. The way he looks. The way he behaves. The way he thinks. Time for a change.

Somehow, it makes me feel a little better to voice my sadness here. So this page is soon becoming a dull one about a boy writing about miserable things. Hmmm, maybe I should do this; makes it easier to keep things to myself at other times. The world doesn't have to see this side of me. To the peeps who do come here, I thank you for allowing me to share this with you. Besides, nobody likes a depressed, anti-social person.

Somehow I got to make it on my own. I have to. Slowly but surely, I'm fading...

Next time.

Keeping It Real.

Reached home at 11 plus. I just happened to switch on the tv and there's a movie on HBO. "Hustle and Flow". Find it inspiring.

"Everybody's gotta have a dream."

Yea, but that's just what they are. Dreams.

Way Over My Head

Don't really know how to describe it. I just feel very "mixed up" recently. And it isn't a good feeling -.-"

Have a good day everyone.

Way Back Into Love

Haha, just happen to listen to this song on the computer. Here are bits and pieces of the lyrics from the song...

I've been living with a shadow overhead,
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed,
I've been lonely for so long,
Trapped in the past,
I just can't seem to move on

I've been looking for someone to shed some light,
Not somebody just to get me through the night,
I could use some direction,
And I'm open to your suggestions.

All I want to do is find a way back into love,
I can't make it through without a way back into love,
And if I open my heart to you,
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do,
And if you help me to start again,
You know that I'll be there for you in the end.

Have a nice day everyone.

Alive?

Life isn't fair. I don't have my fair share of ups and downs. What a bad way to start off writing. Been a jerk these few days. Hope I didn't bother everyone too much. I still am now. Sorry. I'm gonna break soon...

Was feeling bad the whole day yesterday. I really can't do this kind of choreography. I'm not that experienced yet. Now I don't how to continue with it. Was never a creative person =( In secondary school, it took me almost 20minutes to think of what to write for a composition. What ever happened to my right brain? It's not there maybe or it hasn't ever been used.

Starting to go back to how I was again. I'm certain it's not normal to cry almost every night. Just can't help it. Weak idiot -.-" Yea, they say I just think too much. Then how do you think less? Looking at how my life is going, I feel like sh*t these few days. Can't remember the last time I had some happiness. Now there's nothing left. Depressed. "zi you zi ji neng pang zi ji"

Hate birthdays. It just shows how little friends I have. Those who truly care. That's why I try to do many things for many people. Hoping some day people would do the same for me. Not making any sense here. Nvm.

Once again, ZuYou failed in changing to be a better, independent person. He wished his father could come and scold him, knocking some sense real hard into his hollow good-for-nothing head. Haiz, hopeless people like ZuYou don't last very long.

Oh yes I skipped school today.

Forget all of this.

Nothing to say. What a blue day it is for me today. Actually it's yesterday, technically. Don't know how much more I can endure until I break...

"You're my sunshine =)"
How sweet... ... ... how I wish... ... ...
Too bad.

In the Middle of the Night.

Life's been really tiring these few days. Been crushed by all the assignments given. Hmmm... will take a half-day off next week if there's time =p Hehe..

I realized I don't use my brain as much as I should. Dumb. Talk about "All brawn and no brain". But I'm not really muscular in the first place -.-" That makes me "No brawn and no brain", meaning "useless".

Had a tough dance day today. A**ert Ti*ng fired up quite a few times during contemporary class today. I was even singled out to do one of the exercises. Luckily I wasn't yelled at. Phew! Today is the first time I heard him scolding in full sentences. Last time all I heard is "Shit!", or "Stupid!" Haha... Something "embarassing" happened to me during ballet class today; Shhhh!!! Don't tell anyone... I cried =( Just got fed up of how I can't do ballet... And nobody gives as much a damn about me as the others. I'm on my own, gotta improve faster... :p In movement class, Mr Aaron talk to us more about the 'dark' dance world out there. I hate it when they keep 'complaining', but I'll just keep silent at a corner. It's okay to work at our own suitable pace. But like him, I would very much like to soar up to the sky asap. without causing too much injuries to myself of course :p Life is short, especially a dancer's life.

For a moment or two today, I felt different. I felt I could live my own life again, without you. Haha... is that a good thing or a bad thing? I don't know. My yao's getting worse. Maybe should go see a doctor about it.

Gotta start doing my voice assignments now. Hope I can get at least 3 hours of sleep tonight. Have a nice day y'all.

-.-zzz

Hooray! I finally finsh my Learning and Research assignments. There goes my sleep though -.-zzz Haha, gotta go off to school soon -.-zzzz

Have a nice day y'all -.-zzz

The things that you do...

You're the one who can bring me joy and happiness. You're also the one who can make me sad. You made me shed a thousand tears for you. It's not worth it, but I just can't help it.

Not in a very good mood right now. Haha, when was I ever in a good mood. Stress...

Hope I can do something by the end of this miserable lonely night. I seek comfort from you, but I just can't find any. Shit, I'm going crazy. Need to sleep.

Oh ya, went to watch NAFA's show today. Amazing.

Don't bother.

PEOPLE, DON'T BOTHER READING THIS.

I'm really miserable. I feel that I am useless. I feel that I am hopeless. I feel that I can't get anything done. I feel that things can't be done my way.

No wait... I am useless. I am hopeless. I can't get anything done. Things can't be done my way. Arggg, I suck.

Haha, no use f*cking up. It ain't gonna help at all. Just wanna 'scream' my a*s off somewhere. Guess I need a shoulder to lean on.

When I needed you the most. You weren't there.
Sh*t, a tear almost came out when I typed that. Managed to held it back. Gotta shake this feeling off. It's not gonna do anyone any good.

Good Nite.

Wasting time? Or not?

Alamak! It's almost 3am. I spent the whole night watching dance videos of all kinds on youtube. Saw a lot of "innovative hip hop", smart people =P It kinda scares me how amazing trained dancers can be. It made me realize too how much I still have to work on. At the rate I'm going, I'm never gonna make it big. Oh man, jiayou! *pat on the back.

Haha, I dunno whether I was wasting my time. I am still crushed by all my incomplete assignments. And here I am still not using time to do it. What the heck am I thinking? I feel that time's still far ahead of me (slow down lah! -.-")

Anyway, should get some sleep. Will need lots of energy; having "Shaolin" modern dance tml. Wahaha!

I really wanna be good. But sometimes I just can't seem to put in enough hardwork. I wanna change the man in the mirror.

Nothing I could do.

I don't know why but I can't bring myself to write long long posts recently. I do write a lot for my journal assignments. Hmmm, maybe I should post those assignments here. But who cares anyway, I realize only a few people come to this page. Maybe just one person. Haha...

There's really a lot I wanna say. Maybe I'll write about it next time. Not in a good mood right now. No, it's not about what I've always been depressing about. It's just me. I hate myself coz I'm not a person of good character. I've always respect people with good character, I don't give a damn about successful people. But I realized I'm an asshole myself. I try to change, I really do, but I can't

Give me more time. Dad, you really are a successful person. You worked hard from the bottom up and I fucking well know, coz that's what you keep saying. You did many things well and gave us a lot. But there's something you should know; you fail as a father, my father. Dad, I hope you'll never read this. Coz this is the only thing I have to say to you: FUCK YOU

Maybe I'm just really angry right now and don't mean it. Or maybe I do. Shit. I'll change, for you and you but not you. Dang, I should remove this post.

Why are you so sad?

Wrong place at the wrong time.

I'm using the computer inside the green room of the esplanade now =p Haha, wanted to reach extra early to mentally prepare myself, but I only arrive half an hour earlier. And here I am typing some useless stuff when I should be warming up for the company class starting at 2. (-.-)zzz

Doing my first show for this piece tonight. I'm kinda nervous. It has been performed by the lasalle graduates before. I know there's no way I can do better than the previous dancer who did this role. But hell, I'm gonna do my best of course. Haha, wish me luck!

Peace y'all. (^(oo)^)

Stupid dream...

I had a dream last night. And when I woke up, it just makes me "sick". I thought I've gotten better already. But these few days I'm starting to be like I used to again, depressed. Now I'm back to being a good-for-nothing loser. -.-" Alamak!

I'm late, gotta bounce. See ya.

Just a thought.

Was showering just now and this came into my mind; I find that I'm good at disappointing people, especially myself.

I'm not happy. And I can't remember the last time I truly was.

Mentioned earlier that I won't post anymore complains. You know what? I lied... =p Wahaha!!! Sorry ;P

Thursday Morning.

I just happen to pass by this page. And when I listened to the song playing... wow, I really enjoy listening to this song =p I don't know the lyrics though, but the whole song just seems so sad =(

Been kinda busy these few days. My whole body's aching all over. But when time comes, the so called "en-dolphins" will ease my pain. Haha, I still sucked though -.-" No pain, no gain..;p That's what you have to keep in mind when stretching.

I really wanna do something good, I wanna be good. But so far it's not working out, so hard!!! *Sigh... Sometimes I wish I was smart. Haha, I'm kinda glad everyone doesn't expect much from a 'boy' like me. Gives me less stress. I look at those talented/gifted dancers and I see how tiring it is for them to live up to themselves. But they can all do it though, they did.

I better go find something else to do other than sitting here typing all this nonsensical(did I spell that right?) stuff. DON'T GIVE UP! When life turns its back on you, just smile and walk on... ... ... Peace y'all.

I wish...

Sometimes it isn't easy.


Was it something I said to make you turn away
To make you walk away and leave me cold
If I could just find a way, to make it so that you
were right here, right now...

I've been sitting here

can't get you off my mind

I try my best to be a man and be strong

I drive myself insane wishing I could touch your face

But the truth remains that you're gone.

Gone. You're gone.

Good luck to everyone for the upcoming shows. Stay confident! =)

Gone for so long...

Haven't been updating this page. I don't think I will. Coz everytime I do you'll see me complaning my a*s off here. So unless I have something else to post. I'll rather not write something here. Haha, and I'm kinda busy too.

I've always said I wanted to change. I can't remember how many times I told myself that already. Everytime I thought I am becoming a better person I never did. Let's hope this time I'll really succeed. Maybe then will you see something in me.

To the world out there, please don't give up on me. Peace y'all

This phrase came into my mind a few days ago. Thought it sounded funny and rude so I'll just write it here anyway =p Hope I don't offend anyone.
"Life's a bitch. Give it a shot."

B.U.S.Y

Busy busy... Got lots of stuff to deal with. Seems like my posts are getting shorter and shorter -.-"

To all my friends out there... Cheer up! Smile! Peace y'all.

A Shattered Heart.

Something's terribly wrong with me. And it's tearing me apart.

Sometimes I wish...

Never have.

I hate myself.

Start that engine, dude.

30th September is coming soon... And I still got nothing. What should I do? Anything would be better than nothing. -.-" Dang

'The depth of life will dim my temptation to live for you.'
Haha, just a line inside the song. Have a good day y'all.

Can't help it.

Been reading harry potter recently. Seems like I came close with a dementor. =p

I feel like shit. I really do. Why is this happening. Chocolate ain't helping at all. Haha...

The world keeps going and it keeps on spinning, leaving me behind. Alone.

there and back again.

Oh no, it's starting all over again. Wish me luck

Peace.

Oh No...

Something is wrong with me.

S.T.R.E.S.S

Haha, amendments to the previous post. Ain't gonna do Lip Gloss anymore. No time, also because I suck? Will just stick to the other two songs. Oh no! It's not even complete yet... and there's still a lot to work on, formations and maybe also another set of choreo? Coz it didn't look really great with just 8 peeps dancing the same thing in the cenre. Oh well... And auditions on this coming saturday. Last day for them to practise tomorrow. It's gonna be a tight competition. Although it's a concert. Dang, I HATE working under stress. "stress makes or breaks a man" It breaks me.

Performing 'Small River Sweet Water' this sunday. Haha, it's not the real name, just a lame direct translation =p (Xiao He Tang Shui). Mdm Leow wants us(the guys) to cut our hair short to look more student-like since we're performing under RS. No way am I gonna cut it short. Hell no.. =p Will try using hair clips and pins to 'tie' it up. If it doesn't works, then a gloomy trip to the barber this sunday morning would seem unavoidable. -.-" Anyway, haven't been really practising this dance. In fact, I didn't even have confidence in doing this, even in the first show. Didn't understand the choreo entirely when I first learnt from Mr Small Wind :P And I still haven't now. Hope my 'go full out' mood is enough to avoid criticisms =(

Really need to work on the choreo. I'm so dead... Speaking of dead, just watched 'Just Like Heaven' on HBO. My sis told me it's a great show, and it really is. Enjoyed it =) Think it's directed by the same person who did freaky friday and mean girls. Can see some similarities in it. Somewhere near the end of the movie, the main character gets shit(not literally..) smacked in the face, and somehow it works out at the end. Haha... what a lousy way to describe it.

-MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU-

Lip Gloss is cool.... =p

Stupid title. I'm so DEAD. Realized I'm the only one with nothing still. The others already have two and a half minutes of choreography or somewhere there. After that so called 'preview', I'm back to square one. Don't think what I did will work out. Haha, at least it wouldn't be wasted, the RS chi dancers wanna use that unfinished 'routine' that I did for the Teacher's Day concert =)

Audition's this coming thursday. Haha, not much time for them. Added in another song at the back, two minutes of Lip Gloss =p Haha, nice song with a catchy beat. Am I stupid or what, coz for some reason, I was kinda eager to help them. Even when I still got that dance item for dec's show to work on. I guess I just wanted to try doin what I like... Haha =p ???

As for the dec showcase, dang, still lost... I have no idea what to do? Artistic? Exactly what is artistic? Sh*t, I'm stupid -.-" Gotta think out of the box... Be creative. Why is it so hard? =( Man, I suck... =/

Trying to find a music to work on. All those I used and listened too are too.... urmz, plain? Problem is, what kinda music do I wanna use? What kinda dance am I doin? Don't know myself... dumb.

"D'oh!!!" - Homer Simpson.
It makes me laugh everytime I hear him make that sound. Haha.... D'oh!

Peace y'all.

Good Morning

Woke up earlier than usual today. zzz
Haha...

Lost/Alone

Yo. Got nothing to do so decided to post something here. Life sucks recently... Help!!! I'm lost... Haha, wake up everyday with no goals/objectives; meaning I have 'nothing' to do! Well, there is the pile of books that I should read and the dance item to work on, but dang, it's really sickening to do dance-related stuff everyday. Wonder how I'll survive when school starts. Haha...

Something is wrong with zuyou =p Can't get things done. Either I didn't try, or gave up trying. Ain't getting anywhere at all. It's like wasting time away... Oh yea, been waiting for this cafe at amk hub to gimme a call to inform me when I can start work. They haven't called yet, and I doubt they would -.-" oh well, can't hurt to wait a few days more.

Gotta change this lazy attitude asap. Maybe it's coz of the lack of work and stuff to do. 8months without goin to school can really make a person go mad =p Haha... kiddin.

To all ma peeps out there, don't let anything bring you down. Jiayou!!!
-MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU- and me too

I have no idea what to choreograph for the Dec show. Any advice/suggestions? =D
Peace.

Si Liao Lah!!!

Didn't went so well on thursday... think I already saw that coming. Everything was done halfway and I don't even have the whole picture myself. Oh well... guess I could have never complete it since I keep telling myself I can't -.-" Need to come up with something different. Gotta work more on the whole choreography thing, not just some routine where everyone stands in a window formation and do their steps. *sigh

Does one come up with the whole choreo before they find the suitable music or after? Haha, I'm confused. Si liao lah... not much time left. And still need to find time to 'train up' the dancers and myself too =p

Live life to the fullest.
-MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU-

stupid SYTYCD =p

Why.... why? Was looking through videos on youtube. And guess what, found a video of an opening dance by the top 16 from SYTYCD3. They were all dressed like african tribe peeps. They were dancing to the 'Lioness's Hunt' -.-" Somehow that pissed me off. It was really cool. There were moves like spins, turns and even b-boy freezes, but it still looks wild, ya know what I mean. Dang... I tried choreographing the front before and it sucks. Makes me wanna go bang a wall. 7 words.

Peace.

Stress, Choreo

Very stress over the choreography thing right now. It's wrong to be stressed right? Haha, have no idea what I'm saying. It's just that, mine's not good enough compared to the others. Obviously, there's a lack in formations and the concept is a little different. Sh*t, I'm so dead... Maybe the way I imagine the whole item is nice, but when I really try to do it, it just isn't. -.-"

Dang, gotta find some way do this properly. More dancers maybe? Find 'professional dancers'? =p Still have a lot to work on...

I suck. <0.o>

I miss you.

Can't Give Up

"Nothing comes without hard work." This words were finally knocked into my head today. A loser like me is never gonna learn(yea, keep telling yourself this and you're never gonna make it).

New day tml. Wish me luck.

-MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU-

Half a day...

Woke up in the noon today, meaning half an hour ago. Dang, half a day gone -.-" Haven't slept like this(like a pig) for a long time. Haha, felt great for the first few minutes after waking up, mind was still half asleep. Don't remember anything depressing that happened. Oh well, then everything starts pouring back. =p

It's been two days and my left eye is still swollen(stupid contact lense!). It's not really obvious but it's uncomfortable -.-" Shouldn't complain about something like this... MUCH MUCH worse things are happening to other people :(

Oh ya, didn't get to watch Live Earth, oh well... Have a nice day y'all. Peace.

Take it to the floor no more =p

Changed the song here... (finally!!) No more take it to the floor. Haha, been wanting to change it for a long time. But dunno how and don't have the time :p Didn't realize how easy it is to put songs into blog now. Used to upload the songs myself on other sites and link it to this page. Anyway, this version of the song is nice, a lot better than the techno one. Enjoy...

...

I don't know what to do anymore.

-.-zzz

Very tired... I need a break from all this.

Sigh...

So it's done?

Hey, been quite 'busy' lately... and com broke down a few weeks ago :p Hmmm, I just finished Evoke not long ago! Yea, hope we did a good show. I did only one item though.. Oh well, everyone starts out small right? Yup, gimme two more years, I'll make it big then =p (highly doubt it) Will try to upload some pics asap. Dun have a digital cam -.-" have to get pics here and there from my friends :P Studio Woosh!!! Haha.. They're gonna have a post production party at butter factory this saturday. And we're supposed to dress up like crazy cow dancers! Something like the clothes peeps in christina aguilara videos wear.. retro style :p That would be fun =p But dang, guess I won't be able to attend; have to go catch a plane...

Haha, everything went quite smoothly on tuesday. Kinda funny that it did. And I did it without a "rehearsal"! Coz changed my plan at the last minute, about 12 to 1 plus.. Glad I did, this one was much better than the other one.(and a lot more fun!) Haha, guess no one understands what I'm saying here... :p Anyway, it was really a memorable day for me =) Fire baby!!! (what the? siao liao :x)

Dang, I'm still working on my choreo. Not really cut out to do this kinda thing. Still goin no where with the "My Love" dance. Will probably be doin a medley. Four different songs most likely. Haiz, -MAY THE FORCE BE WITH ME- :P

Peace.

The Word

What a lame title for a post. Anyway, was looking through my sis's books a few days ago... and I found the word to describe why I am what I am now... or the reason for what's happening to me. =p I have no self-esteem. That's why.

Gonna do anything about it? Of course! Just dunno what... go for counselling? Haha, no way... (no money too :P) It helps if I don't think too much about it, but that's the same as running away from the problem. Oh well.... haha..

Fighting a 'battle' I know I can't win. But who cares!? I ain't giving up.... for now... haha. Okay, that was kinda stupid and meaningless, just typing this crap for some self-encouragement :P

Oh yea, bought Linkin Park's latest album a few days ago. Wasn't as good as the previous ones. Chester only screamed in one song :p Haha, most of the songs just seems... tired. He was more like 'mumbling very clearly'instead of singing, I would prefer him screaming like nobody's business :p Haha, and Mike sang in one of the songs instead of just rapping! Although he just repeated 2 lines for like a dozen times. Actually he did sing in 'Where You Go' in his fort miner album... Hehe

Here's a conversation between a few characters from a movie. Can't get these lines outta my head since sec 1 :p Can you guess which movie it is? =P

__________________________________________________________
A: We've been eatting maggots and bread for 3 stinking days!
B: Yea, why can't with have some meat?
C: What about them? They look fresh...
D: They are not for eating!
C: What about their legs? They don't need those... They look tasty... Arg!!!!

Haha, any ideas? Here's a clue. They're all orcs...

Peace y'all.

Nothing Left

Shit, I'm a complete failure.

I don't know what to say. Can't take all this crap anymore... I have nothing. I am nothing. And it sucks...

What is happening to ZuyOu? Nothing. And that's the problem... I'm bad at writing and describing stuff, so I can't really explain how I feel right now. Hmmmmm, feels like everyone's on the top floor of a skyscraper and here I am still stuck at the basement... Okay, that was a lousy attempt at describing how I felt =p

Think part of me is trapped inside an ice box; frozen(yet another lousy attempt) I don't have interest in doin anything anymore. Don't feel like doin anything much at all... Somebody please help me... -.-"

EK suggested taking a holiday. Come to think of it, I haven't really enjoyed the so called 'holiday' I'm having now at all. Everyday it's just the same old routine... well, most days... wake up, rot, and off to SW in the evening.. And there's classes at HK during weekends. I seriously neeed to get a life. urmz, dunno whether i should say this, but to be honest, i don't like goin there at all. Everytime I go there, I'll have to face what I fear most: the truth. Haha, guess nobody understands what the heck I'm writing in this post.

Haiz, I shouldn't be complaining. There's many people out there who's facing a lot of troubles, many people with lots of sh*t to deal with. And here I am complaining my a*s out. Should be glad that I'm not facing any problems right now since I can't even deal with myself. (what?) Haha....

Ok, anyway, the musical EVOKE is really good. Enjoyed it a lot when I watched most of the programme during the rehearsal. It was rather entertaining :P But I still don't think it's worth 20/30 bucks =p

I wanna go home.
Peace.

Update!

Haha, actually this is not really gonna be something important. Just posting something here for the sake of posting. Been trying to sign in for weeks already. But the blogger home page just can't finish loading -.-" Did something to the com today and viola! But it's kinda late now so won't write anything much.

Have been kinda "busy" these few weeks as usual :P, although school still HASN'T START for me. Dang,I had a lot in mind that I wanna post about actually, but having mindblock now.

Hmmmm, that's all for now. Will try to update again next time. Properly... :p k, have a nice day then =)

-MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU-

Don't bother.... =p

Don't bother reading this post if you have something better to do =p

Ha, I've no idea what to write too... Kinda stupid to talk about dance all the time :P Haven't been doin anything productive since I graduated... just wasting time and all. Sianz... Gotta start 'my engine' soon.

Hmmmm, since I'm not studying anymore, I have A LOT of time to think about stuff... Important stuff, useless stuff, crap .etc And feels like I'm lost now, not literally of course. Dang, life sucks =p

Just a childish, useless boy posting something here. Please ignore this post. Peace out.

Shi Bai Shi Chen Gong Zi Mu?

Wahaha,just managed to logged in yesterday only so decided to post another entry again... :p Sadly, it's gonna be somehow related to dance again.. G-A-Y!!!

Got a call from Studio Wu this afternoon, Caleb told me that I got through the hiphop audition... Yea!! look out for me in the upcoming production baby!! But it'll just be a small role I guess. Oh well, couldn't expect more. So I was like "what about the jazz audition?" He told me he's not sure but I could check my e-mail to find out. And so begins a whole day of anticipation... Haha..

Didn't get in for jazz =( So pissed off, at nobody but particularly at myself... Guess I just wasn't good enough. No wait, when was I ever good? Great... Will really have to work hard if I were to achieve something. But where to start? Haiz, Bu yao tiao wu le lah =p

There's also that hiphop dance comp that me and my so-called crew(JuzWhack) joined last saturday. Obviously we lost... Haha, what more could you expect from a punk with failure written all over him? Was REALLY down that day after the comp, went to toa payoh to meet our dancemates from Huikuan. Phew! Luckily Laoshi wasn't there. There's no way I could face her then... Skipping class and joining some bloody competition and coming back empty-handed. Haha, Boon, Engkiat and Ed were cheering me up, saying like "it's okay, we just join for fun","We only lost coz we're not there... yet"... there's more but I forget liao =p

Was ashamed to face her too. It just sucks that I had no good news to tell her. I really wanted to impress her or something ya know? Dang....

Anyway, it wasn't a really competitive comp anyway.. and the judges were peeps from Styles From Beyond, not some famous local instructor like Patrick Loo or something... Many crews that took part were just doin the common stuffs like krumping and wacking and all. And there were quite a few which obviously didn't have technical training. Haha, they were doin all the shaking stuff wrongly :P But who am I to criticise them -.-" Haha... There were good crews too and they won of course. They were REALLY good, we were WAY OUT of our league...

I guess I took a harder fall than the rest of my crew. You see, we lost partly coz we're not good enough as dancers... obviously. As for the other reason, haiz, don't really wanna talk about it. Y'all all would know... if you think about it. Haha, but don't waste your time thinkin..

It's gettin late... wanted to type more stuff actually but if I do, you would have fallen asleep reading all this crap :p

Oh ya, heard Chong tellin the sec 1s this today during class... "If you think you can do it, you can do it" or something like that. I thought this phrase was kinda encouraging =)Haha, will keep this inside my head....

I should end this post on a good note. Been crazy over chocolates recently :p Not the expensive ones though. Peeps out there, you all should try Cadbury boost, hope I got the spelling right :P It tastes absolutely urmz.... chocolatety!!! Wahaha.. K, gotta go.

Peace out.

Finally got a Google account

Wahaha!!! I can finally logged in. So sorry to the very few peeps out there who do visit this page... Couldn't logged in for a very long time coz I don't have a google account. And when I clicked on the link to create one, the page couldn't load. Today, I decided to go straight to the google website and create one. How silly of me to have not thought of that before -.-"

Hmmm, haven't posted anything for like 2 months? I had a lot of things to say but forgot everything liao. Feels like a lot of things has happened over these past 3 months... Guess that's because I'm not schooling anymore. Schoolwork is not something I have to worry over.... for now :p Haha....

Okay, so what to type here? Hmmm... I've been kinda down recently. Seems like dance is becoming something impt in my life.. and that sounds really, urm... gay. =p Haha... I feel that I really SUCK at it. Seriously... I know I've come this far through hardwork. I've got no talent and natural ability, and it's starting to piss me off. Since I'm starting to slack abit, I have nothing good left -.-" Gotta start my engine again soon. Oh ya, and I'm still not flexible -.-"

Actually there's a lot of things I wanna say bout dance(sound so gay again!) but I'm just too lazy... =p

Haiz, think I've changed a lot since the last post, but is it for the better I don't know. One thing that hasn't change is that I'm still kinda short -.-

Just realized I have very little friends. Since I graduated, I don't see my schoolmates anymore... Only people in this world that I have contact with are the peeps from Huay Kuan. Sianz...

Anyway, I'm kinda wondering exactly who visits this page. Have never advertised this blog anywhere so nobody really know this blog exists actually.. Haha, so can anyone who sees this entry post a comment here? Thanks, haha...

Oh yea, haven't written this words for a long time. So here goes
-MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU-

Peace y'all.

Chocolates... =)

Been quite some time since I came back. And I still haven't brought the chocolates to HK; keep forgetting -.-" Oh well, maybe I'll eat them all myself :P

Was feeling like sh*t on Saturday. Happens all the time. The truth really hurts and the truth is... I suck. Was learning this Ming Jian Wu and I can't even get the dong li and the simple footwork right. Then there's that Shen Yun routine. That really s*cks man. No wait, I'm the one who s*ck :P Haha, and I was hit with the truth. *ahbish!

So I decided to practise more on Sunday. Went down early to practise. But I don't see any improvement. At least I can finally remember the routines. Haha, the modern dance was nice. Can see why they call it 'fun'. But it isn't easy... Will have to practise real hard to do better.

Have no idea why I'm posting all this here. Who gives a sh*t anyway? Haha, so here's some things that I found out. It's really true... Hope it helps you all as well in one way or another =)
1. You can't dance well unless you're carrying a positive attitude.
2. Work towards a goal to improve.
3. I suck. =p

Haha, the last point was crap... Gotta go. See y'all
- MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU -

In Da house

Yo! Guess who's back? Returned from Europe yesterday morning. Was kinda tired. Didn't sleep ,much on the plane. Hmmm... what to say about Europe? Nothing to say leh. Haha, guess I'm just too lazy to think. That's why =p

Europe is a very beautiful place. That's all I can think of. The buildings are all very hmm.... 'artistic'? Full of detailed statues and stuff. We went there just to visit ancient historical buildings and magnificent structures -.-" Haha, what's so fun about that? But it really is a beautiful sight. Nothing like what you see in Singapore. All you'll see here are HDBs and stuff -.-" No offence, LKY or any gov peeps I've offended =p

Haha, went to many places in Europe. And they all have nice churches. I wonder whether the churches in Singapore are similar to those there? Nah,, most of the churches there are ennormous...

Oh yah, my four-legged sister is back! Haha, miss her so much =) Looks like she has lost some weight. Are the 'hotels' ill treating the 'guests'. Haha, crap.

Year 2007 is here. Man, can't believe one year is gone. The years I spend in secondary school seems to end faster every year. Feel like sec 1 and 2 are the longest years I had and sec 3 and 4 are very short. Well, that makes everything even doesn't it? =p Haha, crap again...

No school for me tomorrow =p Wahaha...
Peace y'all.

-Euro Trip-

Yo. This would be the last entry for this year I guess... Going to Europe later; will only be back next year. Haha, actually, that is only like 11 days away =p

I have no idea which part of Europe I'm going -.-" Haha, I have to go really soon already so it's a bit difficult to think of what to type here now. Will try to get some souvenirs.. haha; and oh yes, my Laoshi gave me 50 bucks just to get key chains for her. Must buy those so called 'special' ones.

K, I guess that's it. Won't be dancing for this year le. Still got exam when I come back. And there's two more performances. I doubt I'll have enough time to practise when I come back. Si liao lah... :P Realized I like to say that a lot =)

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to everyone out there!!! =) and...
-MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU-

Peace y'all.

A Quick One...

I need to wake up early tomorrow, will go sleep soon. Haha, hadn't update for quite some time already. Just realized that my previous entry was written on prom night. Dang, I didn't go to prom night -.-"

Dance camp has started. And the Min Jian Wu course has ended. Whew! Had been a stressfull four days; even though the routines were so darn easy to do and remember -.-" Think all of us will pass. Or at least the dancers from SHHK =P During this course I was reminded of a very important fact... It is easier to dance with a positive attitude than a stressed one. Yea, that's true. Maybe that's why I can perform better at a hip hop routine.

We(aka 7788) performed during the HK dinner last friday. Many of us forgot our steps. I did too. And I fell when I did that 'se7en' thang. But it was an okay performance I think. The people applauded and cheered when we did our last pose. My Laoshi praised me too; And that was the very thing I wanted out of this performance. I was so touched that I almost cried. But I was in the wrong atmosphere -.-" A lively song was played and everyone was clapping. Oh well...

Many people, including me, is so depressed this few days. What the he*l is happening man? Wish this whole sh*t will be over soon. Haha, can't believe I'm saying this. I'm feeling stressed now instead of during the O levels. Something is really wrong here =p

Peace y'all. And to everyone out there. Do cheer up! =)

What the?

Can't believe I'm saying this. I miss going to school... I miss the class assemblys, the principal's stupid morning 'speech'. I miss all the lessons I have in class. Come to think of it, I don't think I ever paid attention in class. 75% of the time. So sorry to all my teachers and myself too -.-"

Here's a short summary of what I normally do in class besides the 25% of studying. Hope my teachers don't see this =p

Miss Fu's Chem: Dreaming and sometimes sleeping
Mr Radha's A-maths: either sleeping or writing with my left hand
Mr Goh's E-maths: Dreaming or listening to the lesson(really!)
Miss Chen's Humanities: Trying hard to listen but always fall asleep halfway
Mr Foo's Physics: sleeping or trying to pay attention
Mrs Yeo's English: slacking or smsing
Mdm Leow's Chinese: trying VERY hard to pay attention

Don't know why I post this. It's all crap. Just ignore it.

Peace y'all.

It's finally over 2!

Guess what? It's the same heading as the previous! Haha... my last paper is finally over =) History's history. Bet I'll fail that paper. The chapter that I studied didn't come out. As for SBQ, they asked mostly contextual knowledge questions; and I didn't study =p

Anyway, I'm so glad my papers are all over. But I still have many things to do. Like.... I have no idea. The remaining days for this year are gonna be busy ones...

Crap, I still can't believe O levels is over. And I was just getting my engine started. Haha, too late. Hope I won't cry when I get the results. Probably get a decent below average grade =p

Just watched another one of LUSH's performances on youtube. Dang, can't believe they joined the Step Up competition too. That was like between the preliminary and finals of the chingay comp. But they did pull it off. They did a routine quite similar to the one they did for pulse hiphop, and I think they won for the step up one -.-" Talk about killing two birds with one stone.

Haven't watched Step Up yet. Think I'll catch it sometime next week, if there is time =p

-MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU-

It's finally over!

Haha, just want to say something about what happened last sunday. We didn't win, as expected. Got the consolation prize... 200 bucks leh!!! It isn't much actually, once you divide it among the crew =p

Was damn nervous before we went up. When the first group went up, I was like, "Sh*t, we're gonna embarass ourselves." Luckily, we were not before the army boys group. They could literally OWN us. I guess we didn't threw our faces after all.

MATKinc. was doing their thang as usual. Those kids are damn good at what they're doing... Their instructor must have something for Michael Jackson. All his choreography have a piece of his song. And this time, one of the kids even did a MJ impersonation. Very cool. They got the 1st runner up.

For the open catergory, I was shocked when Blast Junior High won. Their dance was so rated 18. Haha, they were all dressed as nerdy students and they dance in a "horny" way. Actually this was an idea from SYTYCD. There was a routine by Shane Sparks which was like this. Even the song is the same. I thought they wouldn't win. But when I watch their dance again on youtube... man, they were really good! But it's hard to see their nice choreo, unless you're able to pull your eyes away from the mini skirts the gals were wearing =p

Oh ya, and here's a group pic we took. Let me explain why Boon and I had this stupid face. Engkiat told us to pull an ugly face for the shot. But in the end we kena pangseh. Oh well.... Jesper isn't in this pic as he had to rush to work =(

We had a great time. And it was a meaningful experience for me.

Pulse Hip Hop Knockout

The competition is on this coming Sunday at Ngee Ann Civic Plaza. Starts at 3. We'll just win the consolation prize but do come support!!! =P

Peace y'all.

Tick Tock..

Time's running out. Really need to chiong studies liao. E-maths and SS paper is on the coming monday. Dang, now I really need to work hard just to get a decent grade -.-" It'll take a miracle for me to get good marks.

I'm hopeless at humanities. Can't remember a single thing. Why??? Haha, maybe I should focus more on the other subjects.

Shit, I really need to pia liao. Stupid me. Always you xin wu li. Excuses only... *sigh. Been posting short entries recently. Too lazy to write anything crappy here. Oh yah, my com still view this blogger website in chinese. Is there any way to change it back to ang moh?

Suddenly my future is all clouded. And I thought I had everything planned out. Will think about it again after the exams.

Peace.

Hit The Floor

Guess what? I'm having my chemistry practicals later. Hope I can pass... Those stupid chemicals sure are confusing. This salt and that salt blah blah blah. Haha, if I can score well for titration I should be able to pass =p.

Oh yes, went to the preliminary round last sunday. It was great. Enjoyed my time there. There were many crews there. All of them knew each other lor. No fair. We were like strangers. Saw many familiar faces, although I don't know them. The Oschool and Studiowu peeps weren't there though =(

Oh yah, I can't believe I was intimidated by MATK.inc... I mean, they're just a bunch of little kids. But they won a lot of dance comps. And their costumes, so nice sia. And their crew's name was written on it. And their parents all wore the MATK.inc shirt too.

There were no cheers for us -.-" We only had 3 supporters. Haha, oh well...

Life's kinda boring nowadays... everyone's studying for Os. Nothing interesting to do. I should study too.

Peace y'all.

Boy at the corner...

I feel like I'm being left out in a lot of things. Life really sucks now. Everthing's in a mess. So f*cked up. What I really want now is to get through this exam period as fast as possible.

Study!!!

I don't know whether I'll get killed writing this entry. But I'll carry on anyway. Everyone knows that O levels are coming right? Sec 4E5N students should be studying right? And here I am joining this dumb competition -.-" Haha, and I'm not one of those inteligent students. In fact, I need extra help.

Thought I could cope with both at the same time. Like they got this night study sessions. I could study during weekends and like dance on weekends. But realized I couldn't do it. Too distracted.

To make things worse, I'm getting stressed over this comp. Like what the he*l? I should be worried about the exam instead. Even til now, the choreo is not fully out yet. It's not nice at all, done by me... With the help of some videos and of course Eng Kiat. Haven't really danced the whole item before and most of them are still in the process of getting the steps right.

Think I always expect too much from the crew. For Pikachu, I think I was being a jerk, complaining and all. Then there's NJRC, I was worse then, scolding people and all. Like, who the f*ck am I? Why am I shoating at them? Haha, so I realized that and tried to relax a little now. But I still get worked up all the time when we couldn't get the steps right. Haha, will work on that...

As for my studies, I really don't feel like studying. Something is wrong here. Die liao. Told Mdm Leow about it and she says die liao lor. Haha, kidding, I don't remember what she said but I'll try studying anyway.

About the comp... don't know what I was thinking. Joining at this crucial time. I always go around saying that you can get cash if you win. Hehe, but it was never about the money. Guess I just wanted to prove something. Prove to myself that I'm doing something that I can do. prove that I don't have to keep doubting myself. Haha, crap... But in the end, I still suck. So pissed off at ZuYou. Blo*dy idiot.

Think the reader would be asleep right about now. I'll write more about this next time. I should be studying. Haha, say only -.-" Got heart no power(you xing wu li)
yup, that's about it then...

Peace y'all.

Update!

Haha, I just came here for the sake of updating this page. Don't really have any idea what to write. Hmmm.... oh yes, I've started studying! I'm glad the school introduced these self study sessions. If not, I wouldn't have opened my books at all. Haha, can call it the "activation energy" to start the reaction.

-.-" I don't wanna write about anything related to studies. Like, who would be interested in that? I'm not =p Before I change the topic, I'll just like to say that I've revised a bit on chem and physics. And there was this mock chem paper 1 that I took a few days ago. Failed the paper even though I've been studying chemistry for the past few days. That really pissed me off.

Maybe I should stop blogging. I don't update regularly and all I post is bullshit. So what's the point of reading all this? Hehe, guess the reason I started a blog was because.... was because... well I don't know. Created this blog in sec2. Was crazy about HTML then. Kept playing with it. Now I don't really give a damn anymore. And yes, I still suck at "computerlogy".

Stupid entry done by a stupid person. I'll stop here then. Going to Overdrive tomorrow =) Wade Robson's gonna be there. Hope he puts up a good show; cost me 37 bucks to go watch...

-MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU-